Dwellings
by HappiiBubblez
Summary: Dwelling 1 - A place of residence. Dwelling 2 - Lingering over a thought or memory/continuing in a given condition or state. What happens when Bella Swan moves into a new dwelling and finds herself roommates with the one man she's been dwelling on for six years...and his new girlfriend? He was her first at many things... E/B, Lemons, HEA, AH
1. Prologue

**Hey All, Welcome to my first OFFICIAL story. **

**I know that i've started others, but i feel like i may have jumped the gun by uploading those fics prematurely. I had _intentions _of completing them, but I was never at a place where I could focus all of my attention and energy into doing my best to produce work that i was satisfied with. (But I know I am now) **

**This resulted in hugeee gaps between updates, and my inevitable loss of interest in those plot lines "/ **

**Sorry if this upsets anyone, and i'm not saying I'm done with those stories forever... but i have my mind set on other plots for now... plots like this one =] Please give it a chance. **

**Thank You...**

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BPOV

"Wow, your ass looks _great_"

I giggle and spin around to face my best friend.

"How many times have I told you to stop checking me out? Your husband's going to get jealous!"

She throws her hands up in defeat, "What can I say? An ass like that deserves to be commented on."

I laugh, shaking my head. Having Rosalie Hale as a best friend does wonders for the ego. Hard to believe considering she's probably the most beautiful person you'd ever see walking down an everyday street. In comparison, she's a butterfly among caterpillars. I've certainly adopted the habit of counting calories being friends with her.

"Well thanks for letting me borrow these jeans. They're the magic behind the ass. They're fant_ass_tic."

"When are you going to admit that your ass is fant_ass_tic with or without designer jeans?"

"Shut up," I say bashfully before turning back around to face the full-length mirror.

I'm wearing an off the shoulder blue blouse with Rose's enchanted dark jeans, and black strappy heels.

"You look awfully nice for a casual lunch. Are you secretly trying to seduce Orbit's man, hmm?"

I laugh out loud at the mention of the oh-so-apt nickname Rose has given Tanya. Orbit—because she's a dental hygienist and her teeth are so big and white she looks like the spokeswoman for Orbit gum. She also has an irritating habit of saying "Fabulous!"

"Oh please, this is the first time I'll even be meeting him, Rose."

She shrugs before sitting on the naked bed that used to be mine. It, along with the mirror, dresser and a couple of small suitcases are the last things left in the bedroom I've lived in for nearly a year. But officially, as of tonight, my new home will be at 18 Twilight Rd. apt. 5E with Tanya Denali and her boyfriend Edward.

She pets the bare mattress fondly, "I'm really going to miss having you around, kiddo."

I try not to let her see my frown as I move to sit beside her.

"You know I'll be here so often, it'll be like I never left"

"How about you just _not _leave, and I won't have to delude myself"

I give her a pointed look and place my hand on her softly swollen belly —we've had this conversation a million times. Rose and Emmett are going to be a family soon and I would never allow myself to intrude upon such a monumental moment in their lives. Besides, my bedroom would make the perfect nursery. Rose likes to argue that they could easily transform the guest bedroom for the baby, but this room is much closer to theirs. Not to mention the guest bedroom is a necessity due to their frequently visiting families, and once the baby arrives, they'll be coming around even more often.

"You know it's too late for that" I say.

"And you know I'll keep insisting even after you've fully moved out and your fucking name is off the mailbox."

I laugh and hug my best friend, "I would say I'll miss you too, but there won't be any space to do so in. I'm a twenty minute drive away and we work together boss lady, in case you've forgotten. Where do you see us missing each other fitting in to that schedule?"

"Uhh duh," she says and begins counting off with her fingers, "you won't be here at Friday night movie time, at Sunday night spa hour, when we want to binge eat junk food at ungodly hours to reward ourselves for working out for ten minutes, when I need to sneak into your bed after Emmett and I get into a fight, when one of us needs to borrow an emergency outfit or shoes because none of our one million satisfy us, when-"

I press my hand against her lips because it's obvious she's getting extremely emotional. Rosalie is the toughest chick I know, and there's no doubt in my mind that seeing her shed a single tear will lead me to shed a thousand.

"This baby's turning me into such a pussy" she whimpers, rubbing her belly.

I bite my bottom lip, "Rose, you're my best friend and I love you. My moving out won't do a thing to change that. The only time you won't be seeing me is when your eyes are closed in slumber."

Her eyes are glassy but she manages a smile, "I love you too"

I narrow my eyes at her, "Yet you refuse to come to this lunch with me"

She laughs, and as always, it has the power to lighten the mood.

"Unless you want me to rip Orbit's extensions out by the end of the night, I should stay home."

I scoff at her before checking the time. I still have about ten minutes before I need to leave.

"I don't get why you hate her so much" I say.

Rose had gone with me the first time I'd viewed Tanya and Edward's condo. They were looking for someone to rent a bedroom to and I was desperate for a place to live. With Rose already five months pregnant and the soon-to-be nursery in need of immediate renovations, I'd been ready to make an offer at the first decent place I could find. And Tanya's condo was more than decent—a spacious, high-ceiling two bedroom, equipped with the most drool-worthy kitchen I'd ever seen in person. Not to mention I would have my own private bathroom _with_ a Jacuzzi in it. _Holla! _

I can't help but cringe inwardly—even my subconscious knows I'm not cool enough to pull off saying "holla".

Throughout the entire tour, Rose kept a disdainful eye on Tanya, watching her like a starved hawk. She'd been huffy the entire way there and I'd chalked it up to her being upset over my moving out. She'd hate whomever I decided to live with as long as it wasn't her.

"I don't _hate_ her. I just think she's a conniving bitch with an ego the size of the sun. Oh, look at that, another good reason why her name is Orbit."

I laugh, "Well she's not _all_ bad—she was very reasonable when we were negotiating rent payment. Since I'm going to be living with her now, you should start playing nice. And try to cut back on the Orbit thing before I accidentally slip up in front of her."

I stand and Rose immediately swats my behind hard.

"Ow!"

"Isabella Marie, don't you dare defend her. This baby has me in a very fragile state right now. Mark my words, if I catch you replacing me with that swine, I will shoot you in the kneecaps."

I laugh loudly and flick her nose, "As if I could ever"

Rose gives one firm nod, "That's what I like to hear"

As I move to the dresser to grab my purse I say, "Again, she's so terrible, yet you're making me go on this lunch date with her alone."

"Her guy will be there, so you won't be alone. The question is why won't _your _guy be there?"

"Because he's not my guy." I say, exasperated, "I've already told you, Jake and I are keeping things casual and I don't want to confuse him by involving him in my life too much."

"B, I think the guy is already confused. Writing you romantic little love notes all the time just screams "exclusive" to me. But, hey, I've been wrong before."

Rose is actually hardly ever wrong, and she's right about those love notes. I've known Jake for three months now and we've been sleeping together for one of them. He's a nice guy and pretty good in the sack, but he just isn't someone I can see myself going anywhere with. I've been trying so hard to force something that isn't there that the poor guy probably thinks we actually have a future together. If nothing else though, Jake's an exceptional friend and I don't have the heart or desire to blow him off completely.

But those damn love notes keep popping up in the most unexpected places and at the most unexpected times. If I were as invested in him as he seemed to be in me, I'd probably swoon at how sweet he could be. But as we are now, it's getting pretty worrisome.

I roll my eyes, "Okay, well then I amend that statement to 'I don't want him any more confused than he already is.'"

"It's just lunch with your two new roommates, drama queen, it's not like you're introducing him to the family."

I shrug, "Whatever, it's too late now anyway and I'll just have to suffer the consequences."

Maybe I should've invited Jake. The last time I'd been alone with Tanya, I'd been unable to find a single thing in common for us to talk about. She, of course, had been able to fill the silence with things I had absolutely no interest in. I don't think she even noticed my lack of participation in the conversation. If Tanya was any indication of what her Edward would be like, I was in for the most uncomfortable lunch date of my life.

As if reading my mind, Rose shakes her head and says, "They're probably one of those obnoxious couples that feels the need to kiss after every sentence."

I shudder, even more upset now because Rose is likely right. I could just imagine Tanya as one of those girls who needs excessive physical confirmation of her relationship in public. Don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with a little PDA. But something tells me that watching the two of them will probably lead to the expulsion of my lunch before I've fully digested it.

"They're probably going to treat me like a third wheel. Think I should just cancel?"

Rose shakes her head, "Too late now, they're probably already on their way. But luckily for you, I have a solution."

My face brightens immediately, "You'll come?"

"Not on your life, sister." My face drops. "Emmett!" she calls.

From his position in the living room, her husband hollers "Yeah?"

"Come in here, por favor."

He enters the room a moment later.

"What's up?" he asks then looks over at me, "Whoa, you look nice"

I smile, "Thanks"

"Bella needs you to take her to her lunch date with Orbit and her slave boy." Rose explains.

"Uh, sure, something wrong with your car?"

"Not exactly" I say contritely.

"Baby, she doesn't need a ride, she needs you to go with her."

A look of panic overcomes his face. Rose has filled his mind with exaggerated horror stories regarding my soon to be roommate, and I think the guy might actually believe Tanya keeps carcasses in her basement. I rush in.

"Please, Emmett, please, please, please, please, PLEASE! I don't want to be a third wheel, and Rose refuses to come. You're my only hope! And if you do this, I'll buy you whatever you want on the menu."

For once, the promise of free food doesn't seem to sway him. But before he can refuse, Rose, my dear best friend, steps in with the big guns.

"Em, you go with her and I play naughty maid for you tonight, _with _the garters. You don't go and I burn the costume."

"I'm ready when you are" He says immediately.

I laugh and jump into Rose's lap, hugging her gratefully. "Why are you so amazing?"

She shrugs, "I ask myself that, everyday."

When Emmett and I arrive at _Bella_ _Italia_, I'm certain we're running late. Traffic had been terrible, and we'd needed to stop for gas on the way over. But Orb—_Tanya_ and Edward hadn't even arrived yet.

Once we take our seats, we order drinks to pass the time. We finish them, and they still aren't here. The two of us go over the menu so many times, I'm sure we have it memorized. Emmett is in an irritable mood because he's starving and I've denied him every single time he's asked if he could just place his damn order already. He huffs and complains every time another table is served, but I'm just thankful he hasn't thrown one of his temper tantrums—yet. As for my temperament, I just feel guilty for dragging him here. A larger part of me though is more grateful than anything for the calm before the storm Tanya is sure to drag in.

When she does finally show up, it's her scent that I notice before anything else. I have no words to describe it other than _perfumey_. Tanya smells very strongly of perfume—artificially sweet and overbearing, unnatural and tainted, a cover, a front. It sets off warning bells, as if the amount of perfume she wears is necessary to disguise the extremety of her inner fuckedupness. My stomach immediately rolls before attempting to lurch into my esophagus. But I stand and force a smile as she pulls me into a hug.

"Isabella!" she squeals excitedly as if we hadn't just seen each other yesterday for the legal finalization of things.

"Hey, Tanya" I manage.

She makes us do this really awkward side-to-side sway motion several times before she finally releases me.

She takes a step back and I notice she's wearing nude pumps, similar to a pair I own, and a floral chiffon mini dress. And Rose thought _I _was overdressed.

"So so so so _so _sorry we're late. I was needed at work a little longer than I expected."

"Don't worry about it; we haven't been waiting too long." I say, and try not to giggle when I hear Emmett scoff behind me.

"Good, good" Tanya says and takes a seat across from me and Emmett.

"Where's Edward?" I ask, looking around, which is pretty stupid since I have no idea what he looks like anyway.

"Parking the car, he'll be here any minute. And whose this, Bella, I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Especially not one so handsome" she grins.

Emmett and I share an awkward glance before chuckling, "This is Emmett, Rosalie's husband. He's practically my brother"

"Oh! Well that's awfully… _generous_ of her to let you borrow him for the evening." She says as her eyes pinball back and forth between us suspiciously. "Nice to meet you"

"You too" Emmett says shortly, no doubt still put out about having his meal delayed.

"So, have either of you ever been here before?" Tanya asks, "I hear they have delicious pasta primavera! I wonder how many calories that has. I'm on a diet,"—she's a stick—"and I really shouldn't have anything that exceeds 200 calories for lunch. But, hey this is a celebratory occasion, right? Not that that's really any excuse to let myself become a disgusting fatty, because, let's be honest, there _is _no excuse for that, am I right?"

She starts laughing and Emmett and I just stare, unsure of whether or not this extreme superficiality could actually be genuine.

She continues to ramble on. I make a solid effort at trying to pay attention, but it isn't long before my attention wanders. I avidly pretend to listen as I look past her towards the people entering and exiting the restaurant. My eyes bounce from one thing to the next, and I'm beyond feeling guilty for being rude at this point. Something tells me she enjoys her conversations more when they're one sided, anyway. There's a lovely bouquet of flowers arranged by the door that I cannot take my eyes off of. The arrangement holds a myriad of tropically colored flowers that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot recall the names of. It's so beautiful that I make a mental note to ask the hostess standing beside it for the name of the restaurant's florist. I want to send a bunch to Rose. She would love them, especially now that I can't be physically with her as often as we'd both like. Hopefully, they can put a smile on her face when I'm not there to do so myself.

A dark figure passes in front of the flowers, effectively blocking my view.

I blink hard as if broken from a trance. I'm almost offended that he's gotten in my way, and crane my neck to continue my observations around him. When I can't make out enough to truly satisfy, I pin the perpetrator with a scowl.

And it's as if I've become entranced again.

I see a face that is so shockingly familiar, so painfully and permanently etched in my memory, and so fucking sorely missed that I have to shake my head to make sure my mind isn't projecting his image before me.

There's _no _way.

When I clear the cobwebs, I'm sure that he isn't just a figment of my imagination.

Standing by the hostess' booth, looking every bit as handsome as I remember, just more deliciously muscular, is Edward Cullen—the boy who took my virginity on the night of graduation, six years ago, and never looked back.

_Flashback_

"_Are you sober?" he rasped, breathing his beautiful breath into my ear. _

_I was leaning my back against the wooden panels of Jasper Whitlock's basement walls. The heavy bass from the startlingly loud speakers thumped through them like a pulse, and beat steadily against me. I felt alive with the room, with the music, felt it enter and race through me like repeated shots of adrenaline. _

_Heat waves radiated off of every solid surface my eyes made contact with, making everything appear hazy and warm. In the glow of the dim blue strobe lights, I could see a heavy cloak of smoke circulating around us, wrapping us all up in the allure of carefree teenage mischief and dirty fun. The scent alone was a live entity in the room. It was as if someone had placed a spell on us all. _

_I was smothered in it—the Jack and Coke, Bud and Smoke, Drama and Tears, Lies and Fears…_

_No, I certainly was not sober. _

_His beautiful palms—which I had spent countless periods fantasizing about during our shared biology class—were pressed flat against the sides of my head. He hovered above me, suspended by pure upper body strength as if he were doing push-ups against the wall. _

_I felt something flutter down below. _

_He panted into my face, awaiting a response from me. _

"_Your breath smells like…like Winterfresh gum" I mumbled against his collar bone, my lips pressing against his flesh with the movement. _

_He threw his head back, chuckling. _

_I smiled because he was so fucking gorgeous, and I couldn't help it._

_Then, one of the three billion kids crowding the basement knocked into him, pushing him one step closer to me. He stumbled, and I grabbed hold of his waist to steady him. Except, more than anything, I was just holding him closer. _

_His torso pressed fully into mine, my head fitting perfectly into the crevice of his neck. I knew I should've let go, but I almost physically couldn't. The alcohol was doing miraculous things to my bravery, and I maintained possession of him. For this one moment, I could truly pretend that he was mine. That the sweetest, most attractive guy in all of Forks High history, actually belonged to me. _

_In the midst of all the confusion, and despite the spell of the mystical fog, he kept me hyperaware and ultrasensitive. _

_And as the slut soldiers eyed us disdainfully from the other end of the room, I could pretend that they were nonfactors, and I was the only one he ever paid any attention to. _

_He hooked his thumbs into the loops of my jeans at my hips, his long fingers splaying wide on my sides, setting off a mini earthquake in my belly. _

_And we just stayed that way—my hands clinging to his shirt at his waist, and his on my hips. As if we belonged to one another._

_And I couldn't remember a single moment in all of my four years of high school when I was nearly as content. _

"Edward, honey, over here!" I distantly hear Tanya call.

His head turns in our direction.

Stupidly, my first reaction is to laugh at his obvious confusion and tell him that she isn't calling him. No, she's calling _her _Edward, not _mine. _

But he flashes a small grin in recognition and that is when my stomach absolutely plummets.

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	2. No Hesitance

**No Hesitance**

~BPOV~

All at once, three voices say Edward's name in three tremendously different ways.

Emmett chuckles his name out in his standard booming voice, laced with surprised amusement.

Tanya is still calling his name eagerly as if to get his attention, even though he's already looking at our table. Her voice is an attempt at tenderness, but more closely resembles a whine.

As for me…I don't think I make a sound at all when I say it.

It's just a shaky breath, whispering past my lips as they move to form his name.

His eyes shift to each of us, individually. There is surprise when he sees Emmett, but it doesn't compare to the absolute shock on his face when he sees me. He does a cartoonish double take, his incredulous eyes trying to adjust to the sight of me.

Our gazes lock for an immortal second, and I'm immediately reminded of that night.

"_Hey, Bella, wanna dance?" Mike Newton asked. _

_His eyes travelled along the height of Edward who still stood with his hands on my hips as I leaned against the wall. Mike didn't attempt to hide his scowl as he stood straighter, trying to match Edward's towering height. _

_I really, _really _didn't want to leave my spot. _

"_Come on, you promised" he insisted, obviously drunk. He wouldn't be so brazen, otherwise. Not that I was in any position to criticize. _

_I sighed heavily because I did make the poor decision to promise him a dance before the night was over. And by the looks of things, the party was definitely almost over. _

_I looked up into Edward's handsome face, filled with an unreasonable amount of sadness at the idea of leaving him. I just knew that once I left the shelter of his arms, I'd never get the opportunity to come back. Or worse, someone else would take my place. _

_Edward had a frown on his face, and I came to the happy realization that he didn't want me to go, either. His hands tightened noticeably on my hips, and it may have just been my imagination, but I could've sworn I saw an imperceptible shake of his head. _

"_Come on" Mike urged and wrapped his hand around my wrist, tugging my hand free from its tight grip on Edward's shirt. _

_Edward growled, frustrated, "Can't you see she's fucking busy, Newton?"_

_He grabbed my hand back and placed it firmly against his tight chest, holding it there by the wrist to emphasize his point. Beneath my palm I felt the heavy beats of his heart. I became engrossed in the rhythm, rubbing my hand gently over it as if trying to dig in and feel it, myself. _

_Mike looked to be debating whether or not to argue. _

_Both guys looked to me to make the final decision. _

_Mike was a nice guy, save for his overbearing personality. He'd taken me to a few dances in the past, and always helped me out in a pickle. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I didn't think anything short of an apocalypse could drag me from Edward's arms at the moment. _

_The intensity and pressure of Edward's stare combined with the guilt and uneasiness caused by Mike's, did something funny to my stomach. _

_No, not funny, violent. _

_I almost doubled over, a bitter taste rising to the back of my throat. _

_I opened my mouth to speak, but I felt a pressure rise up quickly from my stomach, threatening to make its way out past my mouth. _

_I quickly snapped my lips shut, slapping a hand over them as if to double-seal it closed. _

_Uh-Oh…_

_I didn't say anything. My body wouldn't allow me the time._

_I pushed past them both and had just enough time to lock the bathroom door before all of it spilled out of me. _

For a moment, I swear I can still clearly hear his heart thumping from that night, but I realize that it's just the sound of my own heart accelerating as he approaches the table. His eyes haven't left mine, and I know he must feel as uncomfortable as I do, if not more so.

I feel so unnervingly trapped—like my ass is fucking super glued to the seat—as I'm hit with the symptoms of a full-blown anxiety attack. I immediately break out in a nervous sweat. I can't keep my hands from trembling. My body feels alarmingly numb. The air is so still, it's stifling.

I don't know, specifically, if it's his nearness after so many years that's doing this to me—the fact that the sight of him can still expertly fan the flames of my desire. Or if it's a product of my fear for having to finally face him after I'd behaved so idiotically towards him after that night. Maybe it's a dangerous mixture of both.

I have no idea what my expression must be like—if the sickness I feel is as evident as I think it is, but my attempts at pulling myself together seem to only make it worse.

Just as Edward makes it to the table, Emmett wraps an arm around my shoulders and gives me a little shake.

"Hey, you alright?" he asks.

I do my best to give him a reassuring smile, but his brows furrow deeper in confusion.

"Hey, man" Edward says to him, smiling with the same charm that I remember.

A shiver runs through me.

"Hey!" Emmett chuckles, rising to give him the bro hug.

Confusion manages to pervade my thoughts. How the heck do those two know each other?

"How the heck do you guys know each other?" Tanya asks.

I kind of feel even sicker that the two of us had just shared the same thought, but I brush it aside.

"He's Emmett, Tan, the personal trainer I've been seeing all year."

The look of confusion on her face doesn't vanish.

"The one I go to every Sunday morning." He elaborates.

"Oh!" she finally says, slapping his arm, "But wait, I thought his name was Ernest."

He shakes his head, breathing deeply "No, Ernest is the name of the elevator attendant back home."

Even I knew that.

Edward's eyes come back to me, and suddenly everyone else is staring too. I wouldn't be surprised if the entire restaurant was watching me by how uncomfortable I feel. How the heck is Edward able to function so normally when I can barely remember my name?

"You must be Bella" Edward finally says. "Nice to finally meet you"

For one horrible moment, I actually think he's forgotten who I am. I feel my face fall in pained disbelief. The blow hits me right in the chest, so hard I almost fall back against my seat.

But his eyes are honest, unlike his words.

His eyes register _intimate_ recognition as they implore me to play along.

I swallow hard several times, urging the cotton ball to dislodge from my throat so that I may finally speak.

"N-Nice to meet you" I manage.

He nods, relieved.

Emmett strokes the skin of my bare shoulder with his thumb as his arm is still around me. He asks with his eyes what the fuck is up with me, but there is no way I can answer. Not yet.

Tanya is eyeing the two of us suspiciously, particularly the hand on my shoulder. But I don't have the energy to even try and figure out what her deal is. Edward watches the hand, too.

"Will you guys excuse me" I say.

I have immediate plans to call Rose for some emergency crisis intervention.

I make my way to the exit as swiftly as possible, and nearly cry with relief at the feel of the evening wind washing over my face. It tousles my hair soothingly, and I close my eyes as I focus solely on the sensation.

Once I'm able to breathe normally again, I dig through my purse for my phone and dial Rose. She answers on the first ring, and I completely skip pleasantries to jump right into the crisis. She's blessedly silent throughout the whole thing, allowing me to purge.

Rose knew every single minute detail about my life, save for the Edward story. Until now. I leave nothing out.

"_Bella, please let me in" he sounded angry now. It was more of a command than a plea. _

_But there was no way I could allow him inside, no matter how badly my body yearned to comply with his every whim. _

_I'd been throwing up for nearly an hour. My body lay slumped on the dirty floor as I leaned my back against the cold tiled walls. The room smelled like alcohol and bathroom, and everything was spinning too fast for my eyes to keep track. _

_But at least the worst was over with. I just needed to wait for my body to regain its equilibrium. _

_My drunkenness was fading. Most of it lay floating in the toilet beside me which I felt too exhausted to flush. The rest of it stained my clothing. And probably my hair, too. _

_I would surely die if Edward saw me like this. _

"_Damn it Bella, at least fucking _say _something so I know you haven't knocked your head on the sink and passed out." He banged a fist on the door. _

_Afraid he would knock it down, I cleared my throat and rasped. "I'm fine, y-you can go" _

"_You sound half-dead, you're obviously not fine."_

"_I am… promise" I insisted weakly._

"_Shut up, Bella" he said. "I'm coming in. Sorry about your door, Jazz" _

_There was a loud thump on the door. Panic filled me. Then another, and I actually contemplated jumping out the window. By the third, I knew I wouldn't make it in time because the door flew open. _

_I squeezed my eyes shut in utter humiliation, unwilling to see the look of absolute disgust on his face. _

_I heard Edward's long, confident strides as he immediately made his way towards me. Absolutely no hesitation. He stopped in front of me, and I heard the sound of a towel being shaken out before warmth and softness completely mummified me. _

_I chanced a peek between my lids to see that gorgeous smirk of his. _

"_If you thought I'd be put off by a little puke, you must not be familiar with my sister." Alice Cullen, Forks' residential party girl. Everyone knew her. _

_I bit my lips, still too embarrassed to speak. _

_Before I could stop him, Edward reached beneath me and lifted me up. I let out a startled squeak but quickly shut my mouth, afraid he'd catch a whiff of my vomit breath. _

_I couldn't even hold on properly because my arms were wrapped tightly within the towel. _

_He reached a foot out and flushed the toilet before carrying me out. _

_I pressed my face downward, ashamed all over again at the prospect of all my classmates seeing me like this. But once we stepped out, I saw that nearly everyone was gone. The music was very low and the only people left were some of Jasper and Edward's closest friends. _

_They were gracious enough to not stare too long. _

_I wanted to ask where we were going, but was still too afraid he'd smell my acid breath. _

_He carried me from the basement and up an additional flight of stairs until we were on the second landing. We went into a bedroom, decorated so formally it had to be a guestroom. _

_He finally placed me on the floor. _

"_There's an attached bathroom through there with a spare set of everything." He said, pointing to a door in the wall. "You can do whatever makes you feel comfortable to get cleaned up. I'll be downstairs with the others cleaning up the mess from the party. You call me if you need anything, okay?" _

_I nodded mutely. _

_He lingered for a moment, gazing deeply into my eyes before leaving. _

_I didn't hesitate to jump into the shower as soon as I was alone. I shampooed my hair twice and brushed my teeth three times in addition to scrubbing every trace of grime that remained on my skin._

_After an hour, I turned off the water feeling human again. It wasn't until I exited the shower that I realized my dilemma. I had nothing to wear. The thought of putting the same disgusting clothes back on made me feel sick all over again. It would completely negate the effect of the one hour shower I'd just taken. _

_I'd have to borrow something from Jasper. _

_As soon as I exited the bathroom, Edward entered the room. _

_Our eyes made instant, smoldering contact before taking in the appearance of the other. _

_His hair was damp, and he'd changed into a gray t-shirt and black sweat pants. His biceps were on full, illegal display as was the prominent outline of his sculpted swimmer's body. I felt my mouth run dry. _

_Edward studied my towel clad form with the same appreciation I'd had while studying him. Something I'd grown well accustomed to feeling in his presence radiated across my skin and centered firmly in my gut, stronger than ever before. _

"_My clothes are dirty" I managed, feeling the need to explain myself. _

_For long moments, he didn't say anything, but his eyes spoke so loudly he didn't need to. His appraisal was shameless, savoring, and hungry. I felt my fingers and toes curl tightly as if trying to contain the sensation his gaze awakened in me. _

_My damp body shivered even though I only felt unbearable heat. An ache unlike anything I'd ever felt twisted my insides, making me want to cry out. _

_And all due to the power this boy held in his eyes. _

_He finally made his move, approaching me slowly and with intent written in his expression. My heart rate spiked dangerously the closer he came. For some unfathomable reason, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being threatened, although I was far from afraid. I retreated two steps for every lazy one he took, until my back hit the wall. _

_Edward stepped into me, not pausing until he physically couldn't go any further. There was not the slightest bit of space between me, him, and the wall. He'd effectively made a Bella sandwich. _

_The delicious pressure of his weight against me caused me to release the cry I'd been containing. _

_Two hands cupped my face as he stared into my eyes, begging earnestly for something. Didn't he know he could take anything he wanted? He must've finally seen the willingness in my eyes because in the next moment, his mouth was all over mine. _

_He pressed firmly and for a long, savoring moment, robbing the very breath from my lungs. My skin tingled from the effects of his passionate kiss, making my body shiver off the wall. He eventually parted his beautiful lips for me, sucking each of mine between them soundly. His movement became more deliberate—the perfect balance of sweet and sinful. _

_His scent washed over me—Irish Spring soap combined with fresh, minty toothpaste. I reacted more than a little enthusiastically. In a sudden burst of desire, I lunged at him._

_I threw both my arms and legs out, wrapping around him fully and desperately. I'd needed this for so long now. This very scenario replayed countless times in my dreams. Before he realized what he was doing and stopped, I was going to take full freaking advantage. _

_His hands blazed over my back in encouragement, heating my blood to feverish degrees despite the barrier the towel provided. I locked my arms securely around his neck, wanting this to last forever. Our mouths were dancing sinfully, tasting and sucking and relishing loudly. His groans harmonized with my moans, creating the most arousing melody I'd ever heard. _

_He ran his hands down my back and over my ass, pausing to squeeze firmly, before continuing down my legs to hitch me further up his body. Once I was situated around him, he pressed me back firmly against the wall. _

_His hands went back to my ass. _

"_I've wanted to touch this ass for so long, now" he moaned against my mouth, squeezing my flesh. _

_I moaned enthusiastically. Suddenly, his path took him _beneath _the towel, and he took a moment to run his hands over my skin before travelling up to seize my bare bottom in his large palms. I cried out instantly. _

_His eyes asked if it were okay, and I knew mine answered with a vehement 'yes'. _

_The feeling of being skin to skin was indescribable. I trembled in his arms, undulating my hips against the ridges of his torso, making it clear what I was yearning for. _

_But Edward just kept petting my soft skin and peppering kisses across my face and, eventually, my neck. _

"_Edward" I breathed his name desperately, clawing at the material of his shirt. _

_He unleashed a startlingly rough growl, making my body jerk in surprise. _

"_Fuck, say my name again" He begged, keeping his nose buried in my neck. _

_I couldn't _not.

"_Edward" I repeated, moaning. _

_He gripped my ass hard, almost to the point of pain, but I just hummed in pleasure. _

_His lips parted over the skin he'd spoken against and he sucked across the expanse of it, groaning the whole time. _

_The noises he made did unbelievable things to my body. The area between my legs throbbed painfully with every wet kiss he planted. Every groan and every suck was a brutal attack on my control, pushing me further and further from rationality. We'd long since passed the point of no return. My center pulsed urgently with every rub against his hardness. I was swollen and sobbing for his brand of relief. I knew I had to be beyond damp now, completely drenched. I _ached _for him with every bone in my body. _

_I pressed my center even harder against him, trying to convey my desperation, unable to quite put it into words. _

_Edward's face blazed a wet, fiery trail downward. _

_One hand left its grip on my behind to snatch one end of my towel and tug. It pooled around my waist, trapped between us. Cool air rushed over my burning skin, pebbling my nipples up even more. _

_Edward didn't waste time firmly grabbing one breast and lifting it into his mouth, encompassing one tight peak with his firm lips. He sucked strongly, making something in my belly coil so tightly I couldn't help but scream out, arching my back off the wall. _

_In the back of my mind, I was able to register that I'd never gotten so far with another guy. But I felt no fear, and no hesitation to give it _all _to Edward. Tonight. Regardless of whether or not he'd be disgusted with himself tomorrow. _

_The thought brought an unwelcome prickle to my eyes, so I shoved it aside and out of my reach. _

_With a frustrated grunt, Edward ripped us away from the wall, never pulling his lips from my chest. With a pop, he released my breast to lay me on the bed. _

_He ripped my towel away, baring me completely to his gaze. _

_My first instinct was to shield the parts of me that no one else had ever seen before. But I fought it determinedly, not wanting him to think I was the least bit hesitant. _

_Edward put a hand over his mouth and I heard a muffled, "Fuck" _

_I grinned a little. _

_Through his sweat pants, I could easily see the prominent bulge of his cock. I wanted to touch it so badly I nearly rose from the bed. But his own hand beat me to it, and I watched, fixated, as he squeezed a palm almost violently against himself and rubbed along the length of it firmly. _

_He lunged at me, suddenly, pressing his body on top of mine, pressing me into the bed. _

"_Bella, I need to have you tonight." He implored before pressing his lips against mine. "Just for tonight, please, can I take you?" He kissed me again. "_Please_"_

_It was no surprise, but I couldn't deny that it stung to hear the words aloud. Just for tonight. He just wanted me for one, secret, night and that would be the end of it. I did have some pride, but at the moment, I didn't want it. I swallowed it down forcefully, determined to just enjoy the moment. _

_Whatever deeper feelings I might've had for Edward would just have to take a backseat to my more basic needs. I would enjoy tonight, and never regret it. _

_I nodded, "Yes" _

_He smiled crookedly at me, making my pulse race all over again. _

_He reached down and tore his shirt over his head. I only had a moment to appreciate the wondrous sight before me. Before my eyes could finish they're trek down his sexy happy trail, he was back to covering my body with his. _

_The new skin to skin contact set off sparks everywhere we touched as his lips continued to fondle my own. His hands massaged my thighs gently, slowly coaxing them wider and wider apart, before he leaned back and looked down. _

_His eyes went directly to my drenched slit as he opened me up for his full inspection. His expression reminded me of a starved wolf with its eyes dead set on its next prey. It was so ravenous and alarmingly intense, that I was instantly overcome with the urge to squeeze my legs shut for some friction…and a bit of modesty. But his strong grip wouldn't allow me to shut him out. I knew I said I didn't want to appear hesitant, but his leering felt so ridiculously invasive. Like there was no part of me I could hide from him. Like every single inch was his to look at as he pleased. _

_A shudder racked through me at the thought. _

"_Forgive me if I'm being too crass, but…" he began as he trailed one finger maddeningly along my inner thigh, inching closer and closer to my most sensitive spot. "You have a fucking _beautiful _pussy, Bella" _

_And that teasing finger blazed a trail straight from my opening to my clit, parting my folds before going back down again. _

_I cried out, and then bit my lip to stifle any more sounds. I poured all my focus into breathing regularly through my nose, and not into how Edward's finger slowly penetrated me, inching carefully inside. I deliberately refused to acknowledge the way he groaned instantly and muttered something about my being 'so wet' and 'so fucking tight'. And I _certainly _ignored him as he removed that finger and sucked it into his mouth before putting it back in. _

"_Oh, God" I whispered, as he pumped his finger slowly, pressing against my inner walls to open me up more. _

_He suddenly left my body to drop to his knees on the floor. I whimpered in protest before he grabbed my legs, dragged me to the edge of the bed and spread me open again. _

_His intent was clear. I stiffened as his mouth came close to my burning center. _

_His eyes finally met mine, and I could feel the heat of his breath against my shivering folds as he asked, "Can I?"_

_I nodded, and he immediately opened his mouth over me and sucked. _

_I pressed my lips together tightly as a loud, stuttering moan escaped me. I didn't want to risk screaming, not knowing who was still in the house, so I grabbed a pillow and pressed it against my face. _

_No sooner had I put it on had Edward ripped it off. He hadn't even stopped his ministrations to do so. But the look in his eye warned me not to try that again._

_He moaned contentedly as if partaking in a remarkable feast, as he alternated between sucking on my clit and folds, and lapping at my entrance. _

_The pleasure bordered on pain, it was so fucking good. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined something could feel like this. My hips rolled in tandem with his wild lips, seeking out more contact. _

_There was an undeniable pressure inside me that burned to be released. And with every stroke Edward made across my burning flesh, I felt it grow heavier and even more ferocious at the pit of my stomach. It ate at me, robbing me of all sense._

_I felt like Edward had completely obliterated every last working brain cell I possessed. I barely registered when he locked his strong arms around my thighs to keep my thrashing hips pinned to the mattress. The pleasure was all encompassing and possessive, consuming and demanding. It demanded every last ounce of pleasure I was capable of and it sure as fuck got it. _

_Edward thrust his tongue into my opening, plunging deep within while simultaneously sucking my flesh. His tongue roamed brazenly along my walls, stroking earnestly and without mercy despite how loudly I cried. I was almost glad that I had no idea what sort of embarrassing things I must've been spewing. _

_The pressure wound tighter and grew smaller, compacting itself at one deliberate spot in my body. It burned hotter and hotter as my pleasure escalated, completely undermining all my previous understandings of desire. _

_I was ready to sob, the sensations were so overwhelming. I needed an outlet, a release from this wonderful torment. I could feel it looming just out of my grasp. I didn't know what I needed to get myself there, but if I didn't get it soon, I was sure my body would shatter from the frustration. _

_Edward retracted his tongue to drag it back up to my clit. He roughly ran the wet appendage against my stiff bud a few times, making me tremble even more violently than I already was with every flick. He finally decided to stop teasing me and wrapped his lips around it, sucking insistently. I writhed wantonly. He released my thigh from one arm and brought his finger to my opening. He circled it, chuckling when I whimpered pathetically, before sticking first one, then another finger inside._

_Had he not been holding me down so securely, my hips would've definitely catapulted off the bed. _

_His expert stimulation had been just what I'd needed to send me over. The unforgiving pressure inside finally exploded, setting me free, seizing my every muscle with an unrelenting fist. I was paralyzed and blind for an unnerving moment, sparks flying before my eyes. I felt submerged in a sea of unparalleled euphoria, struggling to breathe as wave after wave of heated bliss washed through me. _

_I lay trembling as Edward continued to lap at my center, each lick causing residual electric shocks to zip up my spine. _

_I finally had to push his head away, mewling as I did so since I still couldn't speak. _

_He chuckled and I gasped, squeezing my thighs around his head at the sensation. _

_He pushed them apart again and continued tasting me, being thorough in his quest to prevent a single drop of my essence from going to waste. _

_I moaned as my thighs trembled around him, knowing he wouldn't stop until he was satisfied. _

_And when he was, he groaned and shot up my body to give me a kiss. He coaxed my tongue out, and I shuddered at the thought of tasting myself on him. _

_But then I remembered—no hesitance…_

_I kissed him back fully and enthusiastically, surprised at the desire I felt while doing so. _

_With my feet, I managed to tug his sweats down past his hips. I didn't want him to think I was done for the night. _

_Something thick and hard, and slightly damp immediately thwacked loudly against my inner thigh. The hit instantly paralyzed me with a sharp jolt of both desire and fear. I pulled away from his lips to glance down, unable to resist. _

_I gulped at the sight of the thick, glistening head staring back at me. My instincts demanded I run away, save myself from the world of pain headed my way. I'd never seen a penis in real life before now, but I'd seen enough porn to know how the scale worked. And Edward definitely landed on the extreme end. And it _wasn't _on the small side. _

_Edward read the hesitation on my face and kissed me deeply. _

"_We can stop now...if you want" he said although his eyes pleaded for the exact opposite. _

_I couldn't help but giggle, "I'm fine. It's just… you're not exactly …small"_

_I blushed at my words and Edward fixed me with his perfect crooked grin. _

"_I bet we'll make a perfect fit." _

_I nodded at him, letting him know I was ready. _

_He grasped both my hands securely and brought them up over my head, pinning me down. His gaze held mine attentively, and I gasped at the passion in his expression. Though the lights were dim, the sparks in his eyes provided just enough for me to see his beautiful face clearly._

_He pecked my lips once, "Spread your legs for me"_

_I complied as he situated himself against me. Slowly, he rubbed each and every tantalizing inch of himself through my wet folds, parting them, creating the most arousing friction. We moaned into each other's faces, as he repeated his actions and I aided him by moving my hips in opposition to his. Every time his head poked at and dragged along my burning clit, I shivered. _

"_I'm ready, please" I finally begged, unable to endure any more teasing "Please" _

_He didn't stop, but brought his lips back down to my nipples, rolling his tongue around them before biting down gently, making my body jolt. _

"_Please" I repeated breathlessly as my thighs quivered around him. _

_The ache had returned full force. He continued to ignore me, taking his time pleasuring himself with each of my aching nipples, nibbling and sucking them as if I wasn't even in the room. The thrusts of his hips never faltered._

_I gritted my teeth, fighting against the unbearable build up of pressure. The only sounds that filled the room were my whimpering moans and Edward's relentless sucking. _

_Right as I felt my orgasm sneaking up on me again, Edward pulled away. He slipped on a condom swiftly and then plunged inside. Hard. _

_A searing shock of burning pain radiated from my core and took possession of every inch of me. I cried out, certain that this much pain could kill a girl. _

_When the white noise cleared and I could finally hear again, I registered Edward's ardent whispers. _

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know" he said, peppering kisses along my face._

_Despite his remorseful tone, his eyes still blazed hotly with insufferable lust. He remained absolutely still, seated so deeply within me I had no idea how he'd ever manage to squeeze his way out. I felt like I should be the one to apologize. Knowing how badly he wanted this didn't make it any easier to overlook the pain. _

_He leaned his head against my shoulder, breathing heavily as he ran his hands soothingly along my body. With every pass of his hands, and puff of his breath, I felt myself relax as the tension slowly released me. Before long, I began flexing my walls, assessing the girth and length of him from within. _

_Edward groaned, "Please don't do that. It's hard enough trying to keep from fucking you into the mattress." _

_I bit my lip as the pain ebbed to be replaced by desire. It wasn't long before all I felt was full of Edward—something I'd wanted to be for a long time now. _

_I brought my lips to his ear, and brought his lobe between my teeth. He hissed. _

"_Do it" I urged, as I began to suck. _

"_What" he murmured distractedly. _

_I grinned and inhaled a breath of courage, "Fuck me into the mattress" _

_Edward shivered above me, shaking his head. "You're trying to fucking kill me, I swear"_

_I was going to ask what he meant by that, but I was stunned silent by the incredible pleasure that racked through me when he reared back and slammed his hips against mine. Hard. _

_I cried out in bliss, the sensation being exactly what I'd needed to help ease the inferno in my depths. _

_Edward moaned too, stilling himself once more as if needing to recollect himself. I whimpered for him to continue and he slowly eased back out, before swiftly pounding right back in. _

_He picked up the pace, keeping up a hard and deep rhythm. My moans streamed steadily past my lips as my head thrashed against the onslaught. Edward continued to pound into me, gritting his teeth and reclaiming my palms to pin them above my head once more. _

_His lips met mine, his tongue plunging deep as if trying to consume me. _

_He sped up, pumping harder and deeper as his eyes roamed the entire length of me as if he wanted to commit every bit to memory. There was so much of him to take, but I was determined to take it all. I raised my hips up off the bed, urging him to give me all of it. _

"_Fuck, yes" he groaned, releasing one of my hands to grasp the small of my back, holding me up to receive his eager thrusts. _

_He went even faster still, pounding and slamming and I was in absolute bliss. Every one of his thrusts seemed to go deeper than the last, repeatedly grazing something sensitive in me, making my toes curl every time. _

"_God, Edward!" I moaned, clenching his hand so tightly it must hurt. But he didn't complain. _

_He kept up with the relentless slamming of his hips against mine, maintaining that look of complete and utter determination and all-consuming passion on his face. That look alone would forever haunt me. When I'm old and gray, and withering away, the face of Edward Cullen, lost in lust, will remain etched in my memory. _

_The fires were escalating quickly and I knew it wouldn't be long before Edward hurled me headfirst into them. His eyes suddenly lit up with the realization and his thrusts became even faster and more eager. _

"_Yes, Bella, fucking yes" he chanted, pinning me with his sharp gaze. "Almost there, baby"_

_My thighs began to quiver, and soon my whole body was trembling. The ache grew sharper, more acute and I knew my release was imminent. Everything inside me felt sensitive and tight, ready to burst. Tears ran freely from my eyes as I cried out, and I pinned them shut as something with a force tantamount to that of a nuclear bomb threatened to go off inside me. _

_Edward sped up even faster. _

_He grunted and moaned, urging me on with sinfully erotic words. _

"_Please, please, please, please, please" I begged, for what exactly, I had no idea. _

"_Come on, baby, come on" Edward growled, before suddenly stopping to sit back on his knees. _

_I chanced a peak at his glorious form as he completely towered over my body. He was an avenging angel, his expression fierce but beautiful. He hooked his arms beneath my knees and leaned back. _

_And he pounded away at me, so hard I felt like I should've been riddled to dust already. _

_I cried out a string of profanities as everything exploded inside, and a release unlike anything I'd ever known swallowed me whole._

"_Fuck!" Edward growled menacingly as he threw his head back. "You are so _fucking _tight, Bella, oh. My. God." _

_I continued moaning as his heavy thrusts continued, drawing out my orgasm for several more euphoric moments. With one final thrust that was even more forceful than the ones preceding it, Edward came. He roared, pinning our hips together tightly as he emptied himself into the condom. _

_He collapsed on top of me and I reveled in his delightful weight. We both panted heavily, trying to catch our breaths. _

"_That was…" he began lazily. _

_I reached down to pet his hair, "Yeah" I finished, as a goofy smile made its way across my lips. _

_He rose onto his forearms to peck my lips before rolling over. He dragged us both up to the head of the bed, drew the sheets back, and tucked us in. He held me close and tightly, and I'd never felt so safe in my life. _

"_You don't have to go home tonight, do you?" he asked, nuzzling into my hair. _

_I smiled as a slow blush crept onto my cheeks, "No"_

_He kissed my head, "Good"_

"He woke me up like three more times that night to go again" I say, sighing at the memory.

"Wow, gotta love teenage stamina" Rose jokes. "What happened the morning after?"

I sigh again, "Well, first I thanked my lucky stars that I was awake before him, and then I scrambled the hell out of there despite every part of my body aching beyond imagination…including my heart"

I'd been circulating the block while on the phone with Rose, but stopped myself before I could round the next corner. I'll round it when I'm ready to rejoin them.

"That was the last time I ever saw him" I say, "I left the next week to spend the summer in Florida with my mom. I don't know how he got my number but he called me _so _many times. But…I was too much of a coward back then to answer."

"Apparently you're still a coward since you're not in there right now." Rose says, always blunt.

I groan, "I know, but it was just…_too_ much. I seriously thought I was going to faint in there."

It's Rose's turn to sigh, "Well why _did _you avoid him for so long, anyway? The sex was apparently great, and you said he was a nice guy"

I shrug, "I was afraid. Afraid I wasn't anywhere near good enough for a guy like him and that he'd realize that and regret the whole thing. I'm not the same person I was in high school Rose, I had some serious insecurity issues."

"I get it" she tells me.

"And after I got over that and started thinking that maybe he _didn't _regret it, I became embarrassed by how immaturely I'd reacted. And then I _knew _I couldn't face him again."

"What happened when you came back that summer?" she asks.

"He'd already been gone. He went to school somewhere in Chicago and I went to school here in Seattle where I met my pain in the ass best friend."

"Ha ha, bitch, do you want me to hang up on you?"

"No" I whine, "Please help"

"Well first thing you're going to do is breathe. Then you're going to march right back in there and be yourself. It's been six years and like you said, you're not the same person you were then. Let him see that and you guys can have a fresh start. You can't avoid him forever now that you'll be living together."

I groan at the reminder. I'd almost forgotten that I'll need to face Edward for more than just this evening.

"Okay" I say, petulantly.

"You'll be fine, babe, but call me if you need anything."

"Yeah," I sigh, "thanks"

We hang up and I head to the restaurant. Right before I enter, I follow Rose's advice. I breathe deeply, once for courage, and once more for hope.

_Please, let this all go smoothly…_

**Thanks for reading, and special thanks to those of you who reviewed. Please keep it up!**


	3. Not The Same People

**EPOV**

"Her name is Isabella Swan"

The dish that I'm rinsing falls from my hands and to the bottom of the sudsy sink with a noisy clash. All at once, it feels as if everything inside me has stilled and grown cold. I want to ask Tanya to repeat herself, but I've lost my voice from the shock. It's trapped somewhere in my suddenly dry throat.

And I'm not even surprised that just the mention of her name still holds so much power over me.

"She's a total hag," Tanya giggles, "Well not total, let me not be cruel. She does have a pretty impressive rack. But she's short and has these fat little legs. Her ass is so huge she looks like she could eat three of me."

I scowl, turning to face her, "I thought you said you liked her?"

From here, I can see her transitioning into another yoga pose in the living room.

"Oh, I do. She seems very nice" she says, trying to breathe evenly.

I shake my head, "What did you say her name was?"

"Isabella Swan, baby."

For the first time in what seems like ages, I allow myself to speak her name silently to myself. As soon as I do, warmth engulfs my entire body, making my skin tingle. And it isn't unpleasant at all. My heart has suddenly gone from still to erratic, beating so violently I have to put a hand over my chest before the thing decides to fly right the fuck out of me.

Isabella Swan. The name brings back a shitload of insanely vivid memories.

Could it truly, possibly be the same girl?

… Fuck no.

Get the fuck outta here, Cullen.

They're _not_ the same people.

Last I'd heard, she'd settled down in Florida. And last I checked, Seattle is about as far from that place as you can get in the US.

I would never forget the day pizza-faced Mike Newton informed me that Bella had gone to college there to be closer to her mom, and she wouldn't ever be coming back. He'd been so fucking smug to deliver the news, too, knowing how desperately I'd wanted to reach her. At the time, he'd foolishly believed that he still had a chance with Bella. I still regret never knocking him one, but I digress.

_She could've moved back to Washington after graduating… _A stupid, but hopeful voice whispers to me.

_If that were true, then she'd be in Forks with her dad_, I retort, angrily. There's nothing for her here in Seattle.

_Except for me…_

I growl as I dry the plates and forcibly stomp on that glimmer of hope. I've been down this road before over the years, yearning for that amazing girl so fiercely I would convince myself that we'd be thrown together again someday. That we were meant to be again because chemistry that strong and possessive wasn't something the universe could allow to be thrown away. I've seen her face in countless other women, rekindling my faith in destiny, only to have it squashed again once I realized none of them were her. Life just doesn't happen that way. And I refuse to allow myself to feel the effects of another harsh disappointment.

They're _not_ the same people.

Besides, there is no way anyone would describe Bella as a hag, not even Tanya. Not the beautiful girl that I remember. I'm sure Isabella Swan is just a common name.

They're _not_ the same people.

Although, having to live with someone who goes by the same name as the girl I haven't been able to forget for six years will be borderline hell.

I exit the kitchen and Tanya jumps excitedly into my arms. Despite my mind being elsewhere, I'm able to catch her easily. She plants a kiss on my lips and I manage a smile.

"What are you thinking about, handsome?"

Isabella Swan, the girl who gave me the greatest sexual experience of my life to date.

"Nothing"

She grins mischievously, "I think I have an idea. You're thinking about how sexy I'll look in my new pink teddy, aren't you?"

No, I'm thinking about how adorable Bella looked that one time she walked in late to Biology class, soaking from head to toe from the storm raging outside. She'd had a sweet little pout on her face. Her eyes had been all round and wide, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. I'd wanted to kiss those pouty lips of hers while I peeled the layers of wet clothes away. I'd wanted to warm her chilled skin by blanketing my body over hers.

_Stop _fucking_ thinking about the past!_

All it does is remind me of what I'd lost and fill me with regret. I have enough regret these days without adding this to my plate. Those days are long gone and Bella will never be anything more to me than a memory. The sooner I accept that, the better off I'll be.

I hum, kissing her to avoid having to answer. And as usual, she doesn't notice.

* * *

When I hear Tanya's voice calling my name, I turn to their table with a smile, and then stare in utter disbelief at the _two_ unexpected, but familiar faces waiting there.

Emmett's presence is the first shock, especially since he's wearing casual clothes instead of the gym attire I'm used to seeing him in every Sunday. Seeing someone outside of the environment you're familiar with them being in is kind of bizarre. Like seeing a teacher outside of school, or a movie star on the streets. You almost forget that they're real people with real lives of their own.

My eyes skim over her next, but I quickly look away because I know that my mind is just fucking with me. I'd known something like this would happen. I'd had several chats with myself before this very moment, warning my still hopeful side not to get all fucked in the head and embarrass me when the time came to meet this Isabella Swan.

_They are _not_ the same people_, I growl to myself. _They are _not_ the same _fucking_ people, Cullen_.

With renewed determination, I quickly look to her again.

I still see _my_ fucking Bella, and her expression is an equal balance of shock and fear. Those wide and achingly familiar brown eyes reveal everything to me, and that's how I know that this isn't just a mind trick. She never could conceal her emotions well, and those eyes are just too expressive to belong to anyone else.

Against all odds, she's fucking here. It's really her. They _are_ the same people, after all.

We stare wide-eyed, stunned beyond comprehension, and I vaguely wonder how obvious we're being. Either way, I'm helpless to keep myself from gazing as my feet carry me over.

My eyes drink her in greedily. She looks so fucking beautiful, even more so than I remember. Everything I'd admired about her in high school is enhanced now. Her hair is even thicker, and more chestnut brown. Her eyes are brighter, her lashes longer. Those full lips are parted teasingly, and my desperation to fucking taste them hasn't lessened at all over the years.

I'm bombarded with images from the only night that I'd been able to. The night that I'd had her all over me, and I'd been all over her. The night I'd claimed that sweet, tight body of hers by burying myself so deeply and harshly within it. I swallow hard, and I can still perfectly recall the flavor of her delicious sex on my tongue.

Even though the thought of finally facing her terrifies me, my dick stirs in my pants.

I've spent a lot of these past six years thinking about that night from various angles. Sometimes, it's the inspiration behind my more intense orgasms, self induced or not. Others, I look at it from a critical standpoint, trying to figure out what had gone wrong. To me, that night had been a _long_ time dream come true, nothing short of perfection. Why hadn't it been for her? Why had she decided to forget I existed and never look back? I'd had such high hopes for us, and she'd fucking destroyed them all.

Sometimes, thinking about it angers me to the point of near violence, and others I'm overcome with a ridiculous amount of remorse at the uglier possibilities.

Could I have taken advantage of her? I'm almost positive that she'd been sober and aware throughout the whole thing. I hadn't imagined the clarity and passion in her eyes as I'd taken her. At least… I didn't fucking think I did.

What if I'd only been seeing the things I'd wanted to see? What if she'd been drunker than I initially thought? She had been a virgin, after all. And from what I've heard, most virgins don't give it up on a whim to guys who aren't even their boyfriends. But even still, it was different with the two of us. For months prior to that night, we'd danced around each other, burying our true feelings and putting on that ridiculous, teenage front. I'd wanted her more than I'd wanted anybody in that school. Probably more than anyone had wanted anyone in that school. Because I hadn't just wanted her body, I'd wanted _her. _I was fucking crazy-obsessed with everything that was Isabella Swan. And that night, I thought that maybe, just _maybe, _she felt the same way.

But I was obviously wrong.

Fuck, the idea that I could've taken advantage of her that night, terrified her so much that she couldn't even speak to me afterwards, makes me fucking sick to this day. What's worse is that it makes perfect sense. This could very well be the reason why I'd received an automated voice instead of hers every single time I'd called that summer.

I want to deny the possibility, but as I watch the fear grow on her face the nearer I get to the table, the more assured I become.

Despite how sick I feel, I force myself to appear unfazed as I reach them.

I greet Emmett first, genuinely happy, though still confused at seeing him. Everything about Emmett is carefree and relaxed, even when we're working out. He always pushes for the best, but he's still quick to smile at a decent attempt. He's sort of come to represent support and motivation for me, and his presence now is helping me project those feelings onto this tense, uncomfortable moment.

Tanya asks how we know each other, even though it should've clicked for her when she put the facts—that his name is Emmett, and that I know him—together. I explain anyway, beyond used to it.

Bella is silent and I can't help but stare again. As soon as my focus is on her, she visibly pales, and I fucking _hate _it. The fear on her face eats at me in a persistent way, and I'm filled with a guilt-ridden self loathing that I've never felt before. How could I have done that to her?

"You must be Bella" I finally say. "Nice to finally meet you"

I figure I'm taking pity on her since it's obvious she would be incapable of explaining how we know each other at the moment. She can barely look me in the eye. But then her face completely crumbles with something far deeper than what I'd been seeing. She looks… _hurt. Deeply _wounded, right to the core. She actually thinks I don't remember.

I put everything I have into delivering the message with my eyes.

_Of-fucking-_course_ I remember you, Bella. How could I possibly not? I remember every single fucking detail of that night, from the sweet way you moaned my name, to the rosy color of your aroused nipples. And I remember the way you used to blush and hide behind your dark curtain of hair in Biology class, every time I teased you. And the way you used to bite your lip when you caught me staring at them for too long, fantasizing about kissing them. Don't be silly, baby. _

"N-Nice to meet you too" she finally says weakly.

And finally, her expression tells me she knows it's an act, and I can't help but smile in relief.

Movement on her shoulder catches my attention, and I watch as Emmett strokes his fingers along her creamy skin. It's insanely intimate, and my stomach automatically curls.

He looks at her in askance, and Bella tries to smile in answer. They're having a silent conversation and it's making me incredibly uncomfortable. Especially since his fucking fingers haven't stopped touching her.

What the fuck…?

Could those two possibly be… together?

Then I feel like I've been punched in the gut as realization dawns on me. Emmett told me he was married, and his wife was pregnant. Could Bella be his wife? He's never mentioned a name before, so it's possible.

No, no, no, no…

Bella says something—though I can barely hear her over the chanting in my head—and then rises from her seat. She walks swiftly away, and I catch a glimpse of her amazing figure. She doesn't look pregnant, but that doesn't necessarily mean she isn't. The ass, the amazing ass that Tanya had talked so much shit about was honestly the nicest, roundest, plumpest piece of ass I had ever seen. And her legs were luscious and long, with shapely thighs. She's grown so much from the adorably awkward, skinny girl she used to be. She's all woman now, having gained sinful curves in all the right places.

Emmett watches her retreat with a worried furrow in his brow.

"Are you guys ready to order, yet?" A waitress asks softly, breaking the silence.

"Umm, in a minute, my friend just stepped out." Emmett says.

Relief floods me and I exhale loudly with it. He said friends, they're just friends.

"Well, I'm going to order now because I'm starving" Tanya pouts, "I'll have a garden salad with broccoli soup and a glass of water. Thanks."

The waitress nods, and looks to me for my order.

"A coke, please, but I'll wait to order too" I say, and Tanya frowns at me.

I ignore her as the waitress takes Emmett's empty glass and walks away.

I wonder about the expression on Bella's face as she stormed off. There was no denying she was in complete distress, and it was all my fucking fault. The thought makes something ugly knot in my stomach. Even though I'm likely the last person she wants to speak to, I have the urge to storm after her and finally make everything right between us.

She and I need to have a nice, long talk. It was long overdue. It's the talk that would finally bring us closure and settle all the questions she left unanswered with her disappearance. She must want some answers, too. I can't imagine myself being the only one feeling empty about our resolution.

"So this is pretty wild, huh?" Emmett says eventually, "Bella moving in with you two"

"Yeah, small world. So, she's a friend of yours?" I hedge.

"Yeah, we go way back. Met freshman year of college, and she's my wife's best friend. She's actually lived with us for the past like…year."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise that they went to college together, "You're from Florida?"

I immediately regret the words once they're out.

Emmett frowns in confusion, "I'm not. I've never lived outside of Seattle in my life, what gave you that idea?"

"I… I thought you mentioned it once before, my mistake." I lie. "So… did you guys go to Udub, then?"

"Yup" he nods.

I can barely wrap my head around the fact that Bella has been in Seattle all along. And as fucking close as the home of the guy I've seen every week for over a year now. I'm actually kind of fucking angry that it took so long to discover. Had we met sooner, we could've already resolved our situation and I would have saved myself from an entire year of pondering all the 'what ifs'. Who knows where we'd be now if we'd had our talk a whole year ago.

After a moment, the waitress returns with all our drinks while I silently promise myself to punch Newton right in the fucking gut if I ever see him again. I should've known he'd lied.

Emmett says, "I'll tell you one thing, you guys are not going to regret having Bella as a roommate, I promise you. She's the best."

I nod, bringing my glass to my lips. I have no doubts. Meanwhile, Tanya leans forward, staring at Emmett inquisitively.

"Okay, you and Bella are totally boning aren't you?" Tanya announces.

I nearly choke on my drink.

I wait for her to giggle or say something to show that she realizes how ridiculously fucking inappropriate she's being, and admit it was just a tasteless joke. But she does nothing but stare, waiting for a reply as if he actually fucking owes her one.

Both Emmett and I look incredulous.

I want to apologize for Tanya's huge fucking mouth, but I'm still too embarrassed to do much other than a fish imitation.

"What—?" he starts.

She cuts him off. "I mean, it's totally okay if you are. I don't judge. You guys have just been touching, and giggling, and doing flirty eyes all afternoon, and—"

'Tanya" I bark, irritated.

Her eyes widen innocently, "What?"

"Could you watch your fucking mouth?" I growl out.

Her eyes spark in shock, and then narrow in anger. "_You're _the one who needs to watch his mouth, Edward." Then in a whisper "How dare you curse at me in public?"

I know it's shitty of me to curse at a woman—even more so _my _woman. And I know it's even worse to do so in a public place. But being with Tanya, I would need the patience of the Lord himself to keep from swearing.

"It's fine" Emmett says, trying to break the tension. He's carefree as usual now that the initial shock has passed. He probably doesn't want to be in the awkward position of witnessing the two of us fight, either.

Tanya crosses her arms and looks away from me—her way of telling me that the groveling for forgiveness should commence now.

I roll my eyes mentally. I really don't have the energy to pull the remorseful act at the moment, at least not one she'd be satisfied with. But I also know that the longer I take to do it, the more irritating she'll become throughout lunch. And that attitude will extend towards Bella and Emmett, too, even though they have nothing to do with it.

I place my hand over hers—the one clenched tightly on the table.

"I apologize" I say, trying to sound sincere, and rub my thumb over her skin.

She softens, and then smiles. I'm a little shocked, but eternally grateful at how easy that was.

When I look back up, I see that Bella is back and her eyes are fixated on my and Tanya's joined hands.

After a moment, she looks away and paints a smile on her face.

"Sorry about that, I had to make an important phone call."

"Don't worry about it" I say as I remove my hand from Tanya's, feeling guilty all of a sudden.

She makes eye contact with me, but it barely lasts a second before she looks away.

"Did the waitress come by, yet?" she asks.

"Yeah, but I told her you stepped out. She should be back soon." Emmett says.

"Oh, God, sorry Em. I know you're hungry, you all should've just ordered without me."

"Nah, that would be rude." Emmett says.

He looks pointedly at Tanya for a moment, and I have to suppress a small chuckle. She looks away sheepishly, playing with her hair. It is fucking rude. Especially since they'd waited for us to arrive before ordering.

Not too long afterwards, the waitress comes back to take everyone else's orders and informs Tanya that her food is on its way.

We make small talk while we wait. Bella looks less panicked now and manages to keep the conversations flowing. But when it comes to me, she keeps everything short and formal. No matter how hard I try to capture her attention, she is unable to make direct eye contact with me for longer than one point five seconds.

Despite that, it's obvious that Bella isn't the same social pariah she was in high school. There's a flirty lilt to the way she speaks now. She knows how to maintain someone's interest in a conversation. It's a joy watching her and listening to that sweet voice. I could almost hear the collective groans at our table every time Tanya cut her off to tell a tale of her own. Mine included.

I'd found her shyness endearing in high school. I'd seen her as adorable, but defenseless, someone in need of guarding. But her confidence now is downright sexy. She's grown a bit of a feistiness that makes me go hard all over. She's witty and lively, and any man would be proud to be able to claim her.

And I immediately start thinking about whether there is a man in her life lucky enough to call her his own. The idea doesn't sit well with me. Not one fucking bit.

When Tanya's food comes, I think we're almost glad about it. It means less of her interruptions, as fucked up as that sounds.

Before long, we're all fed and waiting for the check to arrive.

Bella takes out her wallet and starts fishing for some bills, but Emmett snatches it away.

"No, Em, I promised you." She complains grabbing for it, but he holds it out of her reach.

"Did you really think I would make you buy me food?"

"You're not _making_ me do anything. I offered."

"Shut up, it's really not a big deal."

"Right, so just let me pay."

"Bella." He says sternly.

"Emmett" she says, just as stern and without missing a beat. Yeah, she's definitely feistier.

"You're not getting your wallet back, so you might as well sit your little ass back down and give up."

She stares him down, obviously trying to intimidate him, but he doesn't give in.

Finally, she huffs agitatedly and slumps back into her seat. A giggle escapes as she shakes her head at him.

"Fine, but only because Rose would probably burn her costume if she found out you did make me pay."

He laughs too, "Damn straight, and then I'd have to kill you both."

He tousles her hair, and she gasps before reaching out and pinching his bicep. They roughhoused like siblings.

"Wow, you guys are like, really close, huh" Tanya says.

Her comment sounds innocent, but I know her well enough to know where she's going with it. The woman just doesn't know when to leave shit alone, apparently.

Bella, still giggling, says, "Nah, can't stand him."

Emmett chuckles, "You know you love me, B"

They briefly poke and pinch at each other again, and Tanya clears her throat uncomfortably.

Tanya has an insanely jealous streak. The idea of a man and woman just being friends has never sat well with her. So, naturally, she thinks there must be more to the two of them than they're letting on, even though nothing about their actions suggests anything sexual—it's actually pretty similar to how my sister and I act on a regular basis.

She's staring at them really hard. I only hope that she doesn't fucking say anything else to embarrass us.

Bella squints back at her, perplexed.

"What is it?" she asks.

Tanya shrugs, "Oh, nothing, it's just really….nice of Rosalie to let you borrow her husband for an _entire_ afternoon. It's really something"

I silently groan to myself, wishing I could curse Tanya's huge fucking mouth one more time.

Her underlying meaning is not lost on Bella at all. She raises an eyebrow really high, and is it weird that it kind of turns me on?

She looks at Emmett, as if to ask him if he'd heard her too. He just looks down with a slight shake of his head. He knows _exactly _what's going on in Tanya's head.

"Well," Bella finally says, "Emmett's his own person, not a possession to be _borrowed_ as you put it"

"Oh, of course not, hon" Tanya rushes to say, giggling as if to lighten the gravity of what she'd been implying.

There's a long, awkward silence. Tanya has effectively managed to singlehandedly ruin an otherwise pleasant afternoon. But a part of me is grateful that it hadn't gotten any worse.

Until now.

"I'm just saying," Tanya continues, "It's really great that she trusts you to be around her husband so much."

She curls her arm around mine. I don't miss how Bella's eyes narrow on the sight.

"I know I'm really wary about other women being around Edward, especially beautiful ones—that's why I picked you to be our roommate, Bella."

The silence that follows is deafening. It's like all the air has been sucked right out of the room. If we were in a movie, this is the part where someone would yell, "Oh no, she didn't!"

Emmett and I look back and forth between the two women, unsure of what to do, almost expecting Bella to lunge right out of her chair and make a grab for Tanya's hair.

Alice had been absolutely right when she'd said you couldn't bring Tanya fucking _anywhere. _Why, again, had I agreed to this?

I didn't know what I expected from Bella, but it certainly wasn't what happens next. The Bella I knew in high school probably would've cried a little bit.

But she giggles. First softly, but then progressively louder.

Tanya giggles too, even though she obviously doesn't get how offensive she'd been, or why Bella is laughing. Emmett joins the laughter, and because it's all so bizarre, so do I.

Bella is laughing at Tanya's stupidity, but Tanya doesn't seem to understand that. She obviously thinks they're laughing together.

"You really are a bitch, huh?" Bella finally asks.

Tanya immediately stops laughing and frowns.

The rest of us continue, me even louder than before, and only stop when the waitress comes back to drop off the check.

Emmett and I argue over who will pay it like macho men, before Bella wisely advises us to just shut up and split it.

As we exit, Tanya is still silent.

Bella says she'll see us tonight when she fully moves in with the rest of her belongings. She'd already moved most of her things in yesterday when I hadn't been home. I tell Emmett I'll see him at the gym tomorrow, as per usual, before we part ways. As we walk to our respective cars, I take one last peek at Bella from over my shoulder.

I'm surprised to find her eyes on me too.

My first instinct is to look away, but her eyes have me trapped. Her beauty and inner radiance captivate me now just as deeply as they had in high school. Maybe even more so now that they're more outwardly apparent. I expect her to look away too, but she doesn't.

It gives me hope that maybe she doesn't hate me, after all. Because I really, _really _don't want her hating me. We still need to have our talk, but I'm confident now that it won't be as fucking dreadful as I'd thought.

They reach their car before we do, but our gazes stay locked the entire time. Just before she disappears inside the passenger side, she flashes me a breathtaking smirk.

I can't remember the last time I felt my insides melt the way they do right now.

No… that's a lie.

It was six years ago.

* * *

**Thanks so, so much for your reviews. They're truly, deeply appreciated!**

**Quick Question- What is the extent of your relationships with _your _first timers/cherry poppers/de-virginizers? I'm incredibly curious to know!**

**Lol, as for me, he and I just ran into each other two days ago. Extremely awkward, but much better than I thought it would be. We ended on good terms, so what the heck?**

**Lol Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!**

*****BTW, I realize that Edward comes off as...well, a pussy to be honest. BUT he has his reasons for being with Tanya and I just haven't brought them up yet. The Edward i've written wouldn't be with a girl like her if he had a choice. Obviously, he doesn't feel that he does. Please be patient and have faith. I promise, things are really not as they seem...**


	4. Right As Rain

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. In fact, I own less than nothing, but you're welcome to that anytime.**

******The chapter title is a wonderful song by the magnificent Adele, whom i also do not own. **

**I've been getting some complaints about this Edward, so just in case you didn't read the footnote at the end of the last chapter, i'll post it here as well: **

**I realize that Edward might come off as...well, a pussy to be honest. BUT he has his reasons for being with Tanya and I just haven't brought them up yet. The Edward I've written wouldn't be with a girl like her if he had a choice. Obviously, he doesn't feel that he does. Please be patient and have faith. I promise, things are really not as they seem...**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

**Right As Rain**

**EPOV**

It's a really beautiful summer night as I stand on our 5th floor balcony. As I admire the clear navy sky, and feel the kiss of the warm wind on my skin, I allow myself to take what feels like my first real breath in months.

For some reason, tonight feels special. Like it holds great significance to my life and will affect everything that happens from here on out. And yes, I'm probably just saying this because it's also the night Bella officially moves in. Tanya is inside somewhere, still incredibly pissed from our latest argument, but it's still not enough to ruin my mood. I'm not sure anything could bring me down at the moment.

Our fight had happened three hours ago during our drive home from lunch with Bella and Em. She'd been talking so much shit—I know, shocker—and I just snapped. I'm usually able to contain myself when it comes to her, but she'd gone too far this time. She'd been upset about Bella's _bitch_ comment, insisting that Bella was the bitch for being so rude.

When I argued back that she'd basically called the girl ugly, she'd been quiet as if it hadn't even crossed her mind. And when Tanya knows she's wrong, she becomes defensive and that's when she started getting personal. She'd gone for low blows, saying shit that was completely unnecessary and nasty about Bella.

So I told her Bella had been right, she was a fucking bitch.

And I hadn't given a shit, felt absolutely no remorse.

Not even when she started tearing up, which I suspected was complete bullshit to gain my sympathy.

Any other day, I would have apologized, just because tears on a woman never sit well with me, fabricated or not. But I knew that nothing I said to retract my statement would be genuine, so why bother anymore? Slowly but surely, I was losing the will to care about how my words affected Tanya.

Over the months of our relationship, I've gone from honestly feeling badly for the things I've said in reaction to her bitchiness to just ignoring it altogether and biting my tongue whenever the urge came to just let her know exactly how I felt. That transition happened right after I'd fucked up royally and everything turned to shit with us. I'd wanted to keep things as peaceful as possible following that blowout, so I'd kept all my comments to myself. But now, it seems I'm back to speaking my mind, but I just don't care how it makes her feel anymore.

And that's a bad thing. Because not giving a fuck means I might actually leave her. And that would end up hurting her. And for all of Tanya's faults, I've already hurt her too much—more than anyone deserves.

Regardless, I have no desire to apologize to her like I used to. The only reason I'd done so in the restaurant when I'd cursed at her was because we were with company and I didn't want the issue to escalate. But now…I have no reason.

Not for the first time, I wonder if it's really worth it to carry the guilt of the past into my present life, letting it affect my very happiness. That's exactly what I'm doing with Tanya. On paper, it seems the obvious answer is no. But in actual practice, things are incredibly more complex.

And I start to think of how my guilt with Bella could affect my present.

God, _Bella_.

It's still such a shock to think she's really about to become a permanent fixture in my life. I haven't seen or heard from her in six years, and now we're about to fucking live together. Granted, we're just going to be roommates, but I'll be seeing that face every single day when just yesterday, I'd have been glad for just a glimpse of her in the window of a passing bus.

I light up another cigarette and bring it to my lips, inhaling deeply and savoring the familiar burn. It feels really fucking good.

The wind picks up, causing the cigarette ashes to fly around me and smoke to waft over my face.

The guilt I feel with Bella seems like a much simpler fix.

The idea of speaking with her, just the two of us, doesn't terrify me at all. I look forward to it, actually—the closure and the understanding. I want her to know that if I had hurt her in any way that night that I would do everything in my power to make it up to her, and hopefully she can forgive me. And I might be irrationally optimistic, but something tells me she can.

There is still a bit of awkwardness that lingers between us, I won't lie, but I suspect it won't last long. Bella isn't the same person she was in high school. She's much more easygoing and expressive, leaving no room for awkwardness. Back then, I'd had to read her eyes to know how she was feeling. That hasn't changed. But she's become more vocal about her emotions, and I love that too. We'll communicate as we never have before, and we'll get through it. I know we will.

Suddenly, I hear the sliding doors open but remain facing the streets of Seattle.

Tanya steps behind me and wraps her arms around my waist, pressing her face against my back.

I continue smoking.

"I'm sorry" she mumbles into the cotton of my shirt.

The thing is, she's apologized to me so many times in the past that I've grown to have absolutely zero reaction to it.

But I pat the arms around my stomach anyway, letting her know that it's whatever. Because really, what else could I do? Breaking up on my part just isn't an option, no matter what my feelings are. And our ridiculous fight isn't even on my mind anymore. Honestly, it's the same shit but different toilet, every other fucking day with us.

That's when I realize with great alarm that I may just be with Tanya, living in this fucking miserable state of constant bullshit, forever. The guilt I still carry from what I did to her will never truly allow me to end our relationship, will it?

I already know the answer to that…

I know that unless she manages to hurt or betray me in a way that rivals the way I'd hurt and betrayed her, I will never have the fucking courage to leave. And I honestly don't think she'd ever be able to do that—mostly because her ability to hurt me emotionally is almost nonexistent. I fear I may never feel like anything she does compares to the gravity of the shit I did.

Which leaves me stuck with Tanya like underwear in a fat guy's ass crack.

And great fucking guy I am, I'm not really doing her any favors by staying with her when I really have no desire to, am I?

Fuck, I just can't win.

I pull away from her, needing distance and secretly wishing she'd just left me alone to enjoy my night. But no, she had to fucking ruin it. Not for the first time, I find myself wishing she'd be the one to break up with me. I give less than half of myself to this relationship, so how the heck is she satisfied with that? Why couldn't she just get sick of me like she does every new pair of shoes she gets?

Tanya looks crestfallen that she may not be automatically forgiven, but I have no words of reassurance to give her. I don't want to.

Her eyes just begin to water when the door to the apartment opens.

Bella is standing there with suitcases in her arms, followed by a blonde woman and Emmett.

"You guys are ridiculous; I can handle one suitcase. I'm fucking pregnant, not disabled." says the blonde.

The other two just laugh at her.

Tanya quickly wipes her cheeks, and immediately steps into the living room to greet them.

She goes straight for Bella and pulls her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry for what I said at lunch today, Bella, I really didn't mean to insult you."

From over Tanya's shoulder, I can see the look of shock and unease on Bella's face. She pats Tanya's back awkwardly.

"It's uh-okay" Bella says.

"And you are so, so beautiful and smart and funny. I just meant that… I picked you because I know Edward prefers blondes."

I cringe. For one thing, that's bullshit and so obviously a made-up excuse. And for another, she's laying the apology on extremely thick. She still hasn't released Bella who looks really fucking uncomfortable.

I resist the urge to shake my head, knowing that the only reason Tanya's apologizing is so that I'll forgive her. But I feel absolutely nothing as I watch her do it. Because what she doesn't understand is that our issues go far deeper than what she'd said to and about Bella.

But what do my feelings matter anyway in the grand scheme of things? I couldn't leave her.

And a sharp pang hits me as soon as the thought filters because my eyes are firmly planted on Bella—the girl who had been my definition of happiness for a very long time now. And I realize with bitter clarity that Bella is just as unattainable now as she'd been when I thought she was in Florida.

* * *

It's just after midnight when I crawl out of bed.

I pause once I'm standing, waiting to see if Tanya will wake up. I hold my breath as she curls into my vacant spot, but relax once she settles.

Not wanting to run the risk of waking her, I leave our room as I am—shirtless and barefoot in boxers.

As I close the door, I look down at all the skin I'm exposing. It probably isn't appropriate to go to Bella's bedroom dressed as I am given our history, and I certainly don't want to freak her out or anything. But in the same respect, she's seen it all before so fuck it, right?

I make my way through the hallway, mentally rehearsing my opening lines while trying in vain to ignore the overactive butterflies in my stomach. I can't tell whether I'm more nervous or… I don't know what else.

I notice light emanating from the kitchen and poke my head through the entryway, intending to reach in and turn it off.

I stop when I see that Bella is inside, sitting on a barstool with her hands wrapped around a mug.

She looks up at me with surprised eyes at first, but her expression then relaxes into a smile. I can't help but smile in return.

The expression on her face is warm and welcoming, her smile easy.

"Edward Anthony Cullen" she says, dropping the façade for the first time since we've reunited.

The way her soft lips move to form my name has me more than a little transfixed. She's wearing a gray v-neck t-shirt that looks about three sizes too big, and dips between her braless tits tauntingly. The exposed skin of her neck and chest is pale and smooth, and looks so fucking soft I want to rub my cheek against it. Her long hair is fixed in a sloppy bun atop her head and she's wearing a pair of adorably geeky glasses. I'm pretty sure she's not wearing a stitch of makeup.

She's so fucking beautiful, it kind of hurts to look at her.

"Isabella Marie Swan" I say, smirking.

"Ah, God, you remember the Marie, huh?" she says, squinting her cute little face in displeasure.

I laugh, "I remember everything about you, Bella."

There's a flash of something in her eyes, but she doesn't answer. Instead, she bites her bottom lip and takes a slow sip of her drink.

As I wonder if I'd just inadvertently made things a lot more awkward, she rises from her seat. I'm frozen as I watch her walk to me. Her gait is slow, but purposeful. Every part of me is still, save for my eyes which rake up and down her form. She's wearing pale green tube socks, and nothing else. No pants, and apparently no bra. Fuck, is she even wearing panties?

The thought makes the pit of my belly squeeze tight.

Before I know it, she has her arms wrapped around my neck.

Her body is pressed deliciously against mine and all her soft curves mold right into me. She smells so fucking good, and she's so warm and small. Her hug feels like being missed and welcomed home. Like being loved and appreciated, and a whole bunch of other shit I'm not familiar with but can instinctually identify.

My arms close around her waist before I can stop them. Her plump tits press even harder against me, and I pull her even closer almost without thinking.

She pats my shoulder twice, and all too soon she's stepping away from me. The smile on her face is brilliant.

"It's good to see you again." She says, and it sounds like she genuinely means it, too. But still…

"You mean that?" I ask.

"Of course, I do." Her brows furrow a little as she nods with conviction, "Why wouldn't I?"

I sigh heavily and motion for her to retake her seat as I join her at the kitchen peninsula.

"Because you never called me back" I say, my voice sounding a lot smaller than I'd like it to.

Her first reaction is to appear shocked, probably not expecting me to just fucking jump right into it. But I've already waited six years for answers; I don't want to wait any longer. She starts to fidget with the hem of her shirt, something she used to do a lot in high school. It makes me smile to see that some things haven't changed.

But her silence stretches for an uncomfortable amount of time, and the possibility that I might have hurt her that night comes back to mind.

"Bella" I rush to say, "I feel like I remember everything from that night, but if I…" I swallow hard, having difficulty saying the next words. "If I _did _anything to you that you didn't want, then you have to know that I am so _fucking_ sorry and I had no idea."

Her head whips around quickly and she pins me with a stare that I can't quite decipher.

"Please say something." I beg. "It's been killing me to think that I hurt you."

Before long, her eyes start to glass over with unshed tears and I almost fall out of my fucking seat.

It's true, then.

I fucking r-rap… God, I can't even say it. Bile rises in my throat. I've been struggling to convince myself that I'm not a monster for what I did to Tanya—but this just blows that argument right out of the water. What I did to Bella is irrefutable proof that I am—not even Alice would be able to deny it. What the fuck kind of person am I? How is Bella even able to sit here with me without punching me in the fucking throat?

I don't even notice that I'm gripping the granite countertop so tightly until after she places her soft little hand over mine. It brings me back to the present, and eases some of the tension in my body. I almost want to rip my hand away—I don't deserve her comfort.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully, Edward." She starts slowly, "You have _nothing _to apologize for, okay? I—I loved what we did together, and I wanted it just as badly as you did that night. Maybe even more, to be honest."

I stare into her eyes for long moments, trying to make sense of her words and also searching for any signs that she isn't telling the truth.

"Really?" I ask, and I inwardly cringe because I sound like such a fucking little boy.

She nods, smiling a little.

"But… you looked so afraid when you saw me at the restaurant. Like someone facing their attacker or something."

She sighs and looks down at her fingers playing with her shirt again.

Shaking her head, she says, "That had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my being a complete idiot. I'm really sorry that you thought… that for all these years, you've..." she shakes her head again sadly, "I'm so sorry."

I place my hand over hers as she'd done to me, not wanting her to feel bad. No matter what, that isn't my intention.

"I hadn't been entirely convinced of it, only sometimes…" I trail off.

She takes another sip of her drink, still looking guilty.

"There's no need to ever think that" she says earnestly, "It was great, probably the best sex of my life. Definitely top three."

My eyes widen at her words as a cherry-red blush completely devours her face. She slaps a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes in embarrassment.

I can't help but chuckle at the look of mortification on her face.

"Please pretend you didn't hear that. I had a few celebratory drinks with Rose before she left and I'm still coming down from them. See?" she says, indicating to her mug, "Hangover prevention tea."

I'm still chuckling as she tries to explain herself.

"It's okay, but there is no way I'm pretending I didn't hear that. So best ever, huh?" I tease.

"Don't get smug!" she says, slapping my arm. "And I said _probably_"

"No way, I _knew _you loved it."

"Pshh, like you didn't? You're the one who kept waking me up for more!"

I grin at the memory as I feel myself harden in my boxers. Without my consent, my mind takes me back to that night—waking up to the feel of her soft body against me, and having one or more of her sacred places gripped possessively in my hands.

I'd _needed_ her so badly and so many times that night. I still don't regret interrupting her sleep to fuck her over and over again. Fuck, if I'd have known it would be the last time I'd have her, I wouldn't have let her sleep at all.

No, I'd thought we'd have plenty more opportunities to recreate that night—make it better. But she'd never called me back.

"Why didn't you call me back?" I ask, breaking the silence. I still don't have my answers "I called you every fucking day, Bella, and not once did you think it important enough to give me a call, or text back, nothing"

I can feel myself getting upset, which I hadn't anticipated at all.

Bella's eyes are wide and guilty again, so I lower my voice and try to calm myself down.

"Why did you leave me?" I finally ask the question that's been killing me all these years.

Now that I know I hadn't hurt her, it occurs to me that maybe, despite the stellar sex, she just didn't want me. Maybe it had been a onetime thing for her, and she hadn't wanted more in terms of a relationship. Did she ignore me to avoid having to reject me?

"Did you just not want… me?"

Her expression is disbelieving. I wait for her to say something for the longest time before she actually does.

"Isabella Cullen" she says softly.

"What did you say?"

She shakes her head, blushing again, "Isabella Cullen" she repeats. "As in Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen"

I can't fight the curl of my lip, as I look at her uncomprehendingly.

She clears her throat, "I-I used to practice writing that signature nearly every day in my notebook. And not even a school notebook, but my very own private notebook which I'd bought and used for that single purpose. Not to mention my diary which documented all my best moments with you. I can't believe I'm even admitting this to you, but it's only fair that you know.

"Edward, words cannot describe how freakishly huge my crush on you was back in high school. I'd wanted you from the very first moment I saw you, and my feelings only grew from then on. And that's in spite of the fact that you messed with the sluttiest girls in school."

Bella really… _wanted_ me? And that much? I won't lie and say that I didn't think she felt anything for me. We flirted often—well, me more than her—but she always brushed it aside, making me think she didn't take it at all seriously. Didn't take _me_ seriously. Unlike all the other girls who clung to every flirtatious word I shot at them, Bella (whose affection I was honestly trying to win) would just blush and roll her eyes.

I'm too stunned by her admissions to even laugh at her slightly exaggerated allusions to my being a man-whore in high school. I wasn't so bad, but I'll admit I was far from perfect. But come on, I'd like to see you try and turn down a blowjob, free of charge and strings.

"That night had truly been wonderful for me," she continues "something I'd been wanting for a _really _long time. But… the fact that it was so unbelievable kind of psyched me out. I'd thought there was _no _way you could ever want anything more from me, certainly not a legit relationship. And I _really_ didn't want to hear your 'We're better off as friends' speech. It would've broken..." she pauses and shakes her head quickly, "It doesn't matter anymore and it's a lame excuse, but that's why I ignored you, Edward; so I wouldn't have to face your regret. And I was so insecure back then that I was certain that's what I'd get"

We stare silently at each other as I mull over her words.

The conclusions she'd drawn are astonishing to me. They're really so far from what the reality had been that I almost want to call bullshit. But I know Bella wouldn't lie about this. I know that's a pretty confident thing to say considering I haven't known her for six years, but… I just know it.

I shake my head "You have no idea how far from accurate all of that is"

She bites her lip and rubs her hands over the mug.

"So… you… you liked me, too, then?" she asks in a small voice.

"I think 'like' is an understatement." I confess.

She grins, but tries to hide it by taking another sip. But I'd caught it.

"I mean, I called you every _single_ day for an entire summer, Bella. What more could I have done to prove I wanted you? That's like the modern day equivalent of what that guy in The Notebook did"

She snorts on a laugh and covers her mouth.

"It's kind of awesome that you can make references to The Notebook" she says.

I shrug one shoulder, "I have a thing for Rachel McAdams."

"That's something we have in common, then"

I stare at her shocked for a moment before we both burst out laughing.

"But seriously," she says, "I did smarten up, eventually… well, sort of, and I realized that maybe you were interested in being more. Because, boy… you really did show a lot of dedication"

I nod once and hard in assent as she continues.

"But… by then it was too late. We were both going off to college and I was completely embarrassed about running from you like a scared little girl. And a part of me was also sure you'd quickly get over it, along with whatever else you may have felt for me"

"That couldn't be farther from the truth." I mutter lowly. But I know she heard it.

A small, but tense silence passes.

"Hey, remember Newton?" I ask.

A small, fond grin creeps into her expression, and it automatically makes me suspicious. And a little fucking angry to be honest, but I ignore it.

"Yeah, Mike" she says, blushing a little and biting her lip.

The way she says his name grates on my nerves, but again, I ignore it. I even ignore the way she purposefully averts her gaze all suspicious-like as if she's trying to hide something from me.

"Yeah, him" I say, "He lied and told me you'd moved to Florida for college, and that you wouldn't be coming back."

She nods, frowning, "But Mike knew it was only for the summer, why would he lie like that?"

I roll my eyes, "Because he'd wanted what wasn't his, Bella"

I narrowly avoid adding, 'and what was mine'

She still looks a little confused, so I elaborate.

"He wanted you—it was ridiculously obvious. And he didn't want me ruining his nonexistent chances so he'd lead me to believe you were gone for good."

She snorts again, shaking her head.

"Oh, Mike" she says.

I narrow my eyes suspiciously at her again, unable to help it.

"I'm gunna punch that fucking clown if I ever see him again." I tell her.

I want to see her reaction to my threat, but she doesn't answer. Instead, she rises from her seat to bring her cup to the sink. I shamelessly ogle her pert ass as she rinses it, wanting to take advantage of every second I've been given. The cotton of her oversized shirt clings to her shapely bottom, clearly mapping the shape of it and accentuating the size. There's a slight dip where the material falls between her ass cheeks, and the thought that she's sans underwear returns to mind. It's a maddening tease. I know that I will now be forever haunted by fantasies of bringing my hand beneath her shirt and cupping between her legs, just to check if my assumptions are true.

She turns around, and I bring my eyes up a beat too late. I know I've been caught, but I can hardly care. What the hell does she expect anyway, wearing something so fucking innocently provocative? I can't touch, so I gotta fucking look.

She breathes deeply, "I should… get to bed."

I stand and walk over to her. "Yeah, me too. I have an early session with Emmett tomorrow."

She nods, and then we're just standing awkwardly in front of each other, fingers twiddling and all. I don't know why exactly neither of us has made a move to leave yet, but it feels like something's missing. Like there's something left for us to say or do. Hug again, maybe?

I reach my arms out to her, and she immediately steps into them smiling.

We hug. It starts out innocently enough. We pat and rub backs.

But then something shifts when I catch a whiff of her shampoo. Shampoo that smells like strawberries and flowers…

Before I know it, I'm buried in her hair.

Our arms hold tighter as our hands slow, becoming reverent, before stopping completely.

_Embracing_.

And her nose has turned fully into my neck. The grazing of it against my skin makes something alarming tingle and I jerk my head back slightly.

Big mistake.

Because now we are still holding each other, but our faces are mere centimeters apart. I'm staring at her face—literally every piece of it. She's doing the same to me. Her breaths come in a little sharper as my heart beats a little harder. And a part of me urges me to fucking retreat before it's too late. But the thing is… it already is. I think it's been too late since the fucking moment I saw her face at _Bella_ _Italia_.

Her eyes fall to my lips, and then the thick curtains of her eyelashes flutter closed. Anticipation.

My eyes fall next and I watch her lips part, waiting for my kiss.

I don't disappoint.

Our lips meet softly, but firmly. Confidently.

Sweet, and soft. I moan, she whimpers.

We grip tighter—our hands needy, while our lips remain patient.

Our kiss is languid and tender, and soon our tongues are reuniting and it's the most romantic fucking thing I've ever known. Sucking and licking, and tugging and tasting—it's an erotic push & pull.

The earth moves, but time doesn't. We kiss forever.

I have an erection, and I know she must feel it. It's impossible for her not to. But as long as it doesn't bother her, it doesn't bother me.

It isn't until she really pulls away and places her forehead on my chest that I realize I've backed her into the counter top, and my cock is wedged tightly against her stomach.

I coax her into kissing me again, and again, and again, knowing what would await me once we stopped and rejoined reality.

"What…what-uh" she mumbles.

I silence her with one final, long kiss. I hope she understands what it means because there is no way I could explain.

I've fucked up once again.

And not only in regards to Tanya this time, but Bella as well. Because these heart-stopping kisses change nothing between us, and I'm not sure if she understands that. I can only hope she doesn't hate me afterword.

When I open my eyes, I see that Bella is reading my expression with a frown. When her face falls, I know she understands. Just as quickly, an indifferent mask appears.

"Goodnight" she says, and leaves me standing alone.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a review & let me know your thoughts! Pretty, pretty, please, won't you leave a review! Won't, ya? ;]**


	5. Relapse

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, yada yada yada. **

**Sorry for the delay! I'll make it my duty to have a better updating schedule in the future, but it's not easy being a college student! Especially not at the beginning of a semester. Hope all has been well with all of you, and I sincerely appreciate every last review. **

**Enjoy !**

* * *

**Relapse**

**BPOV**

As soon as I register the expression on his face—a distorted cross between panic and shame, and a hint of repressed longing—I feel as though I'm being doused in an ice cold bucket of harsh reality and paralyzing embarrassment. The gravity of what we'd just done hits me right in the gut with the force of a sledgehammer. It's so forceful that I almost lose what little balance I've regained after that earth moving kiss.

Rather than worsen the situation by becoming completely unhinged in front of Edward, I do what comes naturally to me.

My reaction is immediate and so familiar that my body is reacting before I've even given it the direct order to do so. Fueled by my need for escape, it rushes me to my bedroom with a few inadequate parting words to Edward. I have to brace one hand on the hallway wall along the way, needing to feel something stable and reassuring against me as my mind does rollercoaster spins.

My skin is still flushed and tingling and I don't know if it's the effect of the alcohol I had earlier, or Edward's kiss. It's very likely the alcohol's fault; I'd needed to drink twice as much—once for myself and once more on Rose's very pregnant behalf.

Fuck, who am I kidding?

Edward Cullen's lips still worked magic.

Once I enter my bedroom, I shut the door behind me and force myself to breathe. _Really_ fucking breathe and not just hyperventilate as I'd been doing before. I chuck my glass off and rake trembling hands through my hair, eyes focused on the ceiling as I will the room to stop spinning.

Seriously, how the fuck did any of that just happen?

I bring one hand to my lips, sweeping my fingertips against them as if I'll be able to recreate the sensation of Edward's kiss for my complete reevaluation. They still tingle.

I pace back and forth like a maniac several times. And even though it's pointless, I mentally replay our entire conversation leading up to the moment our lips met, trying to comprehend how we'd ended up that way. It certainly hadn't been my intention to kiss him. I don't think it had been Edward's, either.

Then what was it? A magnetic pull? Did he trip and fall on my lips? What?

And more importantly, why?

And just what the hell was he thinking exposing so much skin like that, anyway? It's a wonder I was able to peel my body from his at all with all that hard muscle and smooth skin just pulling me in like a fucking magnet.

I groan and peel off my huge t-shirt, falling into bed in nothing but my panties. I pull my covers up and wrap it tightly around myself, trying to be as small and confined as possible, needing to keep a firm grip on all the emotions racing wildly through my body. I'm almost afraid that they'll burst right out if I move even the slightest inch.

What now?

As much as I'd like to, I can't deny that I enjoyed the kiss. _More_ than enjoyed it if my racing heart and flushed skin are any indication. And despite knowing how entirely wrong it had been, a nasty little part of me doesn't even truly regret doing it. I groan pulling the sheets tighter. Could I be any more fucked up?

Should I apologize to him, then? But what would I even say? I'm not completely convinced I'm the one who initiated the kiss, and it isn't like I forced him. In fact, he'd been a _very_ active participant. Apologizing to Edward would be accepting full blame for the whole incident, and I'm not sure that's entirely fair.

The only one who truly deserves an apology is Tanya.

God, poor Tanya. An apology doesn't even begin to cover what I owe her for betraying her so completely. My first born would come closer to making up for it.

I just made out with a guy in a committed relationship. God, who am I? I've never been that kind of girl—the kind that makes a sport out of stealing boyfriends. I've never wanted to be and I don't plan on becoming one. I would've never predicted I'd be in this sort of predicament.

I'd be the first to say that Tanya is by no means an angel, but that doesn't justify what we did. She deserves better than that. Everyone does.

And what about him? He betrayed the woman he loves. I mean…he must love her, right? They freaking live together, of course he does. You'd _have_ to love that girl in order to put up with her…

Ugh, stop it!

I'm really in no position to condescend her when I'm the slut who kissed her man.

Has Edward cheated before?

The thought makes me nauseous. But I've been back in his life for less than twenty-four hours, and he's already gotten to second base. Who knows what he's done with women he's known longer?

But the look of complete regret on his face after our kiss spoke volumes. A serial cheater wouldn't feel such instant, unmistakable regret, would they? It hurts to admit, but it was clear in that moment after that he'd wished it hadn't happened.

Yes, it _had_ been a mistake, but at that _moment_ I hadn't even realized that. At that moment, I'd just felt… alive. Reunited with the man whose kiss I'd been yearning for for six freaking years. And I'd wanted to see the silly-sappy expression on my face reflected on his. But I hadn't and it stung… it still does, if I'm being completely honest with myself.

But regardless of whether or not he's cheated before, or if he enjoyed it, one thing is certain. Nothing like that will ever happen between us again. Forget the fact that it was probably the most passionate kiss I've ever had. Who cares that it made me wetter than an entire evening of naked foreplay ever has? None of that matters.

What matters is what happens from here on out. Will Edward tell her about our kiss? Will he even tell her about our history? Do I want him to? If it were me, of course I would want to know, but… the kiss was such a mistake and I'd love nothing more than to just forget it ever happened.

I realize that the decision is ultimately Edward's. I couldn't just volunteer the information to Tanya without his consent. My heart clenches to think this could potentially ruin his life. Tanya isn't my girlfriend—she and I aren't even really friends. He's the only one with anything to lose in this tangle we've gotten ourselves into, and that's largely my fault.

* * *

My morning is ruined the instant I wake up.

The memory of that mistake of a kiss is still as fresh in my mind as it had been when I'd gone to sleep, giving me an automatic migraine. In addition to that, it takes me a lot longer than it should to realize where I am. My mood only worsens when I solve that problem and remember that I'm in my new room in my new apartment. An apartment that is painfully devoid of my crazy best friend and her lovably obnoxious husband. In their place is the man who'd given me the most amazing kiss of my life and the woman he's in a committed relationship with. Life so hates me right now.

I sit up and rub my eyes, exhausted because it almost feels like I hadn't slept at all. If not for the sun infiltrating my room, I would think no time had passed since I'd gone to bed for how restless my body feels. The hours had passed and my body had gone under, but my mind had been active throughout the entire night. That kiss had been my last thought before I went to sleep and hours later, it's still at the forefront of my mind. And the worst part? Despite all the contemplating, I'm no closer to having any idea as to how I'm going to crawl out of all the bullshit I've dug myself in.

I trudge to the shower, taking more time than necessary to wash my hair. The idea of facing either Tanya or Edward has me wanting to never leave my room.

Once I'm dressed, I make my way to the kitchen and pause right before I enter it. I hear busy noises in there and chances are it's Tanya making them if Edward had gone to the gym like he'd said he would. That's when it occurs to me that he may have already told her everything. I've been told I'm a heavy sleeper and there's a possibility I may have slept through an entire fight!

But I find it hard to believe she'd let me get a full night sleep if she knew. I know if it were me in her place, I would drag my ass out of bed by the hair.

Just as I prepare to go straight back to my room, Tanya exits the kitchen and walks right into me.

"Oh!" she gasps, balancing herself. "Didn't see you there"

She's wearing a sports bra and gym shorts and has headphones in her ears. I can hear what sounds like LMFAO playing through them.

She's smiling wide and doesn't look a thing like she wants to bash my head against the wall. My body visibly relaxes.

"Good morning" I say.

"Morning! I was just about to go for a run" she says louder than necessary because of the music in her ears. She begins pumping her legs.

"Okay" I nod. "Is… that all you're having for breakfast?"

I indicate to the banana in her hand.

"Yeah, we haven't done any grocery shopping in a while and I'm kind of useless in the kitchen, anyway."

I jump on it.

"Well if you can spare a few minutes, I can whip something up" I offer.

"Oh my God, really? That would be fabulous!"

I try not to cringe at that word and do my very best to ignore the way it reminds me of her nickname.

Yes, I'm a shameless opportunist. Logically, I know that preparing her an amazing breakfast won't magically erase what happened last night. I know that it won't lessen the severity of what we'd done either. It's not like Tanya would say 'oh, you made out with my boyfriend? Not cool, but… you did make my stomach orgasm so… what the heck? You're forgiven.' I wouldn't expect her to. But I guess I'm just being selfish in wanting to ease my guilt… at least temporarily, by doing something nice for her to maybe… even out the betrayal a little bit.

I open the fridge and take a look at all my groceries.

"Are omelets okay?" I ask as Tanya takes a seat at the island.

"Omelets are fine, and the sooner the better, hon. I'm usually already out the door at this time"

It's astounding how she manages to basically tell me to hurry up in such a pleasant voice.

"Will... uh Edward be eating, too?" I say as casually as possible.

"Nope, he's already gone for the morning."

I barely contain my sigh of relief.

"Oh, yeah to the gym, right?" I ask, though I already know, of course.

"Ummm… yeah, I think so"

I decide to leave it at that. While I cook, Tanya fiddles with her iPod, filling the silence with her singing every once in a while.

"Wow, you're _really_ good at that" Tanya says, watching me dice the tomatoes and peppers.

"Thanks" I say, then shrug, "You become used to it."

"Do you cook often?"

I lift my eyes to stare at her, but her expression shows genuine curiosity.

I raise one brow, "Tanya, I'm a chef."

"Oh yeah!" she giggles, "I knew that"

She should considering I'd already told her so less than three days ago.

I shake my head and continue what I was doing.

"Where do you work again?"

"A little bistro not too far from here. Rose is actually my boss."

"Ooh, must be nice to have a boss who's also your bff. You can probably get away with anything. The other employees must hate that, am I right?"

I frown, "No, Rose doesn't show me favoritism at all, actually. She treats all her staff like friends to some degree, but it's very professional in the workplace with us. And she knows I would never take advantage of the fact that we're friends."

She rolls her eyes, "Yeah, right."

I ignore her to continue cooking.

My eyes eventually wander to the spot where Edward and I had kissed just hours ago. Tanya is less than two feet from it and has no fucking clue. I begin to feel sick with the guilt. That's when I decide to put my all into making the most delicious fucking health conscious omelet I've ever made.

Once I'm done, I serve Tanya first, even going as far as pouring her a glass of orange juice and peeling and cutting her banana.

"I hope it tastes as good as it smells" she says with a wink before taking a bite.

Her eyes immediately widen and become glassed over as she starts flapping her hands frantically as if she's trying to fly away. She lets out this high pitched humming sound like she wants to scream but can't open her mouth to do so.

It startles me into dropping my fork and I can't help but be alarmed. Is she fucking choking or something?

She swallows hard. "No freaking way Bella, this tastes amazing!"

I sigh in relief when I realize that she isn't dying in front of me. Once her comment fully sinks in, I smile as I always do when someone compliments my cooking. I'm still not immune to the praise. The pride I feel every time is instant and inevitable, even though cooking isn't my first love.

"Thanks" I say, digging in to mine. It really does taste amazing, if I do say so myself.

"I mean, no wonder you do this for a living. You're great at it! You're freaking talented, girl"

I can't help but blush a little—it's only an omelet. If she's impressed with that, she should see what I could do with a steak in under thirty minutes. It's been called magical.

I giggle, though I know she'd have completely different words to describe me if she knew what happened last night.

"Oh! Great idea" she suddenly says, pressing her finger to her nose. "You should be on kitchen duty! Edward and I could really use a nice home cooked meal every once in a while with all the takeout we eat."

Umm… say what now?

"Oh, I don't know about…"

"Aww, please Bella! You're an amazing cook. Edward and I would really appreciate it."

There's no fucking way I could take on the responsibility of their meals. Between working at the restaurant and working on my writing, I barely have time to make sure _I_ eat regularly!

"Tanya, I—"

"You wouldn't have to do it alone! I would totally help out whenever I could, even though I doubt I'd be much help. But I need to learn eventually, and you could help me. Come on Bella, Edward will leave me if I don't learn to cook soon and that'll be on you"

She giggles when she says this, and I know she's joking, but… it strikes a nerve, and before I can think better of it, I agree.

She hugs me tightly before finishing her omelet. Soon after, she's out the door and I'm left alone with my thoughts.

But it isn't long before I'm frustrated with them and need to call Rose. I've been putting it off long enough, knowing how she feels about cheating. But I wouldn't dream of keeping it from her. I call and ask if I can accompany her on her scheduled sonogram, and if we can grab lunch afterward. She agrees.

* * *

Later that evening, I'm at the apartment alone, working on the rough draft of what I hope will one day be my first published novel.

Writing is my passion above all else. I was a double major in college in Creative Writing and Culinary Arts. Where cooking is just a hobby that I excel at, writing is a passion that I have to actually strive to be great at. And seeing as I'm so critical of myself, it does take a lot of sweat and tears before I deem any of my material 'great'.

I've been working on my book for nearly two years now, the majority of which I've spent strengthening and revising my plotline. My goal is to have the rough draft completed in the next couple of months, but knowing me, I'll probably end up extending that deadline.

Again, overly critical and certifiably chicken shit here. I haven't even allowed Rose to read any of it.

After working for three straight hours, I close my laptop. I go to the kitchen for a drink, and realize that I'm still the only one home. It's already past eight.

I haven't seen Edward all day, and either he didn't come home from the gym, or he'd come briefly during my outing with Rose.

Rose had reacted to the news just as I'd expected she would.

"Bitch, no you didn't" were the first words out her mouth, verbatim. "Didn't I raise you better than that?"

After her initial disappointment, she'd heard me out. Like me, she doesn't find what I'd done acceptable, but she knows how out of character it is for me so she doesn't hold it against me or see me any differently. Not that I'd expected her to, but still… even _I'm_ judging me.

Thankfully, she agreed that it should be up to Edward to tell Tanya. I hadn't been entirely sure that keeping my mouth shut was the decent thing to do considering how cowardly it was, but her support helped ease those fears a bit. How do you even begin to tell someone something like that, anyway?

"On the plus side, if they kick you out, you can always come back to our house" Rose had said with a huge, shameless grin.

"Bitch"

Just as I begin rummaging through the kitchen for inspiration for dinner, my cell phone goes off from its place in my pocket. When I see who it is, I hesitate before deciding to answer.

"Hey, Jake"

I put it on speaker so that I can continue looking through the fridge.

"Hey, baby. I've missed you" he says, his voice all warm and sincere.

I cringe, "I've...missed you, too"

I don't really know why exactly he misses me. We text regularly, and we just saw each other three days ago.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just about to start on dinner"

"Hmm, your best meal. I wish I could trade this over cooked chicken I'm about to force down for your dinner right now."

I giggle flirtatiously. I can't help it. The damn cooking compliments get me every time.

I realize that he probably wants me to invite him over.

"I would invite you over, but… you know, everything's still new with my roommates, babe. Maybe next time?"

He sighs heavily, "Yeah, I get it."

"You gonna be okay?"

"_I'll_ be fine; it's my stomach that I'm worried about."

I laugh out loud and turn on my heel to come face to face with Edward.

I gasp and in the process, I kind of choke on some spit in what I'm sure is probably the most unattractive manner possible.

"You okay, Bella?" Jake asks, concerned.

The kitchen island separates us. He's staring at me with a loaded expression on his face. His eyes seem deeper, and are far more… thoughtful than what I've seen. His eyebrows are furrowed as if in deep contemplation. He looks like he's trying to make the decision of a lifetime. I've never wanted a peek into someone's mind as desperately I want in his right now.

He's wearing black sweatpants and a muscle t-shirt—work out attire. This is probably his first time back home since leaving for the gym earlier. Where has he been for the past ten hours?

His arms are crossed in a way that accentuates the swells of his beautifully defined biceps and his hair is in its usual state of just-fucked disarray. His jaw clenches as he stares at me, almost like he needs to put incredible effort into restraining that beautiful body of his. God, he's fucking doing it on purpose, I know it.

Thank God for kitchen islands and their ability to maintain much needed distance. There's a strong chance that if not for the one between us, I'd be unable to fight the temptation to do something that would get me in far more trouble than I'm already in.

"Bella" Jake says and I immediately snatch up the phone and take it off speaker.

"I'm fine" I say to him, barely above a whisper.

I can't even be sure if what I just said was an actual, proper sentence. Edward's stare has captured nearly every last grain of my attention. Honestly, I can't even be too sure I'm still holding the phone against my ear.

"You sure? It sounded like you were… like you were choking."

"Yes" I mumble.

"Yes?"

"I mean… no?"

Was yes the wrong answer?

"Bella, I don't understand."

"Sorry, my uh… my favorite show is on. Can I call you later?"

He chuckles, "Yeah sure. Enjoy your dinner, baby"

"Thanks."

"I'll call you later"

I hang up and place my phone down. I almost wince when the sound of it hitting the countertop rings loudly in the deathly silent atmosphere we've created.

Without removing his eyes from mine, Edward comes around the island to advance toward me.

Alarm bells ring loudly as he grows nearer. For a split second, I almost think he's going to kiss me. And for an even briefer, more terrifying moment, I forget why I shouldn't let him.

Instead, he stops in front of me and reaches out with his right arm.

To open the fridge.

The sound of it opening startles me and I jump out of his way. The heat he emanates is debilitating and I'm defenseless against it. The distance instantly clears my head. I clear my throat, mildly put off that he hadn't even said excuse me.

"Hi" I say.

"Was that your boyfriend?" he asks.

For some reason, his question makes my heart thump so heavily, I almost stagger.

I frown, "N-No…why?"

He shrugs as he twists a bottle of water open.

"That's what he sure as hell sounded like"

His voice is ice cold and sharp, but carefully devoid of emotion.

"Does it matter?" I ask.

I think we have more important things to discuss than Jake, to be honest.

"Well, apparently it doesn't"

His gaze is back on me, this time with a hard accusatory edge to it.

At first, I'm confused as all hell as to what he's getting at. Why isn't he as concerned about last night as I am? Shouldn't we be focused on what happens next and what we'll tell or not tell Tanya?

Then, it hits me.

Am I crazy, or did he just insinuate that I'm a cheating whore because I kissed him without being concerned about 'my boyfriend'

The longer his gaze pierces me, the more convinced I become.

The fucking nerve of the hypocrite!

"Is there something you'd like to say to me? Or accuse me of? Because, call me crazy, but I'm getting that distinct impression."

I say, daring him to call me out on something he is equally guilty of. No, not equally. I'm not in a fucking relationship! Unlike him, I haven't jeopardized shit.

He shakes his head and is silent for a long moment.

"It doesn't even matter" he murmurs.

"What doesn't?"

"I think we both know last night was a huge fucking mistake."

I swallow with difficulty as I nod.

He continues, "It was stupid and it shouldn't have fucking happened. It never will again"

He speaks hard and with purpose.

Why does my chest suddenly feel so tight? You knew all those things already, Bella! But each of his words feels like a deliberate, resentful attack, and something inside me fractures with every sentence. But I continue nodding, almost unconsciously.

"I agree." My mouth says.

"Good" he takes another swig of his drink. I don't think I've ever seen his eyes look so dark before.

"We're just going to forget it happened."

"It's forgotten" I say, and I'm surprised at how emotionless my voice has become. It almost matches his. Almost.

* * *

I'm at a movie theater with Jacob. He'd surprised me after work and offered to take me out. Unfortunately, I'm beyond exhausted and the darkness of the theater does nothing but create the perfect atmosphere for me to sleep in.

I fight it though because this is the first time I've seen Jake all week and I don't want to hurt his feelings by knocking out on him. But I hope he doesn't expect me to be any type of good company. I'm so exhausted, I probably couldn't keep up with a conversation with a five year old. In fact, if someone held a gun to my head right now and asked what movie we were about to see, I'd die tonight.

"How was work today?" Jake whispers as the previews begin to play.

I curse silently as the lights go out because I can literally feel my eyelids droop as the room dims to complete black.

"It was fine" I say automatically as I rest my head against his shoulder.

"It was?" he asks, surprised. "Because while I was waiting for you, Rose told me one of your costumers accused you of putting hair in her food."

Oh, yeah. Work sucked today.

I roll my eyes at the memory of that cow of a woman. The hair had been a curly gray strand that matched those on her stupid, lopsided wig.

"People suck. That's why I prefer to work in the kitchen where I _usually _don't have to deal with them"

Jake laughs and kisses my forehead.

"You're exhausted, aren't you?"

That's when I realize I've closed my eyes. I immediately sit back upright and blink hard to try to wake myself up.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm fine, really."

"No, I'm sorry. I should've known better than to take you out straight from work. I just…didn't want to give you a chance to say no to seeing me again" he laughs, but I instantly feel terrible.

I'd been dodging him all week, and while I tell myself I'm not doing it on purpose, my heart knows better.

This week has been shit on a disease-ridden stick.

First, I'd gotten a bad haircut because I'd stupidly decided to try a new salon since my usual stylist was out on vacation for the month. Now my hair is unusually short. Now, it just grazes my nipples rather than covering the entirety of each boob, which is a rather significant fucking difference to me.

I've also been having a horrible writing week, partly because I have a writer's block the size of a semi-truck, and also because I barely have any freaking spare time to work on anything. It's busy season for restaurants and I've been suffering the consequences.

I've also begun to take on kitchen-duty as Tanya had begged which meant my days literally revolved around cooking, ensuring that even after work, I still had to work. And without fucking pay too. I mean, I do love to cook. But even fucking Wolfgang Puck would grow sick of it if he had to do it as often as I do.

Worst of all, I'm putting these meals together single-handedly—even though that's not the arrangement I'd agreed to—and for people who could not be any less understanding. Surprisingly enough, Tanya continues with the compliments and all, which I do truly appreciate. But she doesn't seem to sympathize at all with the toll it's taking on me to cook every night. And Edward…

Fucking Edward has barely looked me in the eye in eight days. Any and all words he's said to me since that night have been as minimal and impersonal as possible. It's as if it would physically hurt him to bother to have a conversation with me. I mean, sheesh, we agreed to forget about that night. I didn't think that meant we couldn't be mature, friendly adults with one another. He does eat my food every night, though he'd been obviously reluctant the first couple of times. But the lure of a home-cooked meal eventually won out and he now has seat at the table custom to the shape of his fine ass.

You'd think busting my ass every night would earn me more than a nod of thanks a day, but you'd be wrong.

I groan to myself, not wanting to think about him anymore.

If these are the rules he wants to set for us, then so be it. I'll play along. I've gone on fine without him for years and I'll continue to do so.

Fuck him.

I have a perfectly nice guy sitting right beside me and _he_ actually wants to be in my company.

I wrap my arms around Jake's bicep, loving how warm and solid he is.

"I'm sorry" I kiss him beneath his strong jaw, "It just hasn't been my week. But I'll make it up to you."

He grins, "Oh, yeah? How?"

His hand comes down on my thigh and he rubs his fingers along the inner seam of my jeans.

I smirk back at him and continue to kiss his skin. There's a rippling in the pit of my belly, and it isn't urgent or consuming, but it's enough.

"Take me home, and you'll find out."

He takes my lips with his and presses and it feels…nice.

"I thought you were exhausted."

I was….and probably still am. But I've gotten a semi violent rush of energy from thinking about the people I live with, and that in combination with the small ripples going on down below are enough to allow me at least one round with Jake.

I raise one eyebrow, "You would pass up an opportunity for sex?"

His brows furrow, "Of course I would. When I make love to you, I want to know that you're awake and enjoying every moment as much as I am."

His eyes are so deep and brown, and wholly sincere. Jacob Black is handsome, intelligent, successful, and considerate. He's as close to perfect as a man can get in this day and age. I must have some sort of defect to not be begging for his hand in marriage at this very moment.

I kiss him again and grab his hand. He's definitely getting laid tonight, even if I have to drink three mugs of coffee in order to stay awake for it.

My place is closest to the theatre so we head there and creep silently into my bedroom. Luckily no one sees us enter. It's his first time here so I should probably give him a tour, but the risk of waking someone up in combination with my determination to make love to Jake at least once before my body collapses has me deciding against it.

He kisses me softly and says all the things a girl is supposed to want to hear. He takes time with my clothes, even though I secretly just with he'd tear them off so we can get to the fun part. I only have so much time before my body crashes.

We make slow, tender love and it's taking what seems like millennia for me to come. My orgasm creeps up on me slowly just as I begin to ponder giving up on it. It slithers up from my toes and paralyzes my spine as it seizes my whole body, washing through me like a gentle wave. Jake is holding me tightly, face buried in my neck as he follows closely behind.

Just as exhaustion takes over completely, he slides out and away and I automatically curl into him. His arm immediately wraps around my waist, securing me to his side. We breath heavily into one another's skin. My eyes are closed and I feel myself losing awareness. But I feel so good in that moment that I summon just enough energy to pucker my lips and kiss his chest.

The last thing I'm conscious of is Jake's large hand smoothing over my side and warm breath on my ear, whispering three impossible, and undoubtedly imaginary little words.

_I love you…_

* * *

**Please leave your thoughts! Negative ones are not as fun, but just as welcome...**_  
_


	6. Jumping or Falling

**I know I haven't updated in ages, but I have not given up on this fic. I hope you all haven't either (she says hopefully)**

**Thank you all soooooooooooo much for your support, and I welcome any and all feedback! It means the world and more...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of it, yada yada...**

* * *

**Jumping or Falling**

**BPOV**

I wake up feeling feverish and it isn't long before I figure out why.

Every single time I go to sleep in Jake's arms, I wake up feeling as if I'd gone to sleep wearing a parka in the desert. He's also a large, well muscled man which means that each of his hardest, sharpest places dig right into all of my most delicate. It's like trying to snuggle with an overheated boiler system. I'm sore and cranky and I'm going insane with the need to break free from him.

I know it isn't his fault, so I try my very best to be gentle as I pry him off me. Nudging his arm away goes smoothly, but once I go for the leg, Jake unleashes a monster of a groan into my face and rolls even more fully into me. He's forced me so close to the edge of the bed that turning onto my back would mean completely toppling over.

I sigh heavily. Fuck it. There's no use in trying to go back to sleep now.

A part of me is crying a bit inside because I'd been looking forward to sleeping the day away since I don't have to be in for work until late in the afternoon. I can practically see those hopes flying right out the window as I watch Jake snore. He's an accountant, but today is his day off so he probably won't be going anywhere for a while.

I slip out from under him and head for the shower. I spend a long time in there allowing the hot water to soothe my sore muscles. Jake is responsible for every ache I have, including the one between my legs. I hadn't been kidding when I said he was a large man.

Once I'm dressed, I head into the kitchen to make some coffee and something light for breakfast. I'm in the process of buttering some toast when Edward walks in.

He nods his head at me.

"Good morning."

Not surprisingly, he hadn't even looked me in the eye.

"Morning" I reply.

Dick.

He picks up the coffee pot, preparing to pour himself a cup.

"I actually made that for someone." I say, testily.

And because my less than stellar wake up has made me particularly ballsy this morning, I gently take the pot from his hands.

He frowns for the briefest moment before his face returns to its usual beautiful blank mask.

"Oh, sorry"

He turns to the fridge and takes out orange juice for himself.

He's wearing a charcoal button down and fitted black jeans. I can tell he's going to work because his briefcase is nearby, but I still have no clue what the man does for a living. Considering we live together, it's sort of ridiculous that I don't know what his career is. So far, it just hasn't come up. I can't ask Edward himself because the current status of our relationship demands that I appear completely disinterested in every aspect of his life. I don't _want_ to ask Tanya because a paranoid part of me is worried she'll wonder why I'm interested in knowing, resulting in her becoming suspicious of the two of us. That's why I never bring him up in conversation. In fact, I make it a rule to try to talk about Edward with her as infrequently as possible. But that's also because I'm interested in knowing very little to nothing about their mushy love life together.

As I continue buttering, my eyes keep finding him, analyzing his every movement. I can't even fucking help it, and I hate it. I'm always on edge in his presence, stuck walking a fine line between wanting to strangle him and jump him.

My hormones are so damn stupid and indecisive. The way he always has his back to me is beyond frustrating… but the ripples of muscle on that same part of him make my hands itch wanting to stroke along them.

Fuck him and his good looks. Asshole.

Eventually, Tanya bounds in wearing a pencil skirt and silk blouse. She has her dental hygienist uniform slung over one arm and a Chanel purse on the other. Her makeup is as heavy as usual, but it's become so commonplace that I hardly notice.

"Good morning everyone" she says cheerily, rubbing Edward's stupid sexy back affectionately.

She walks right over to me and snatches a slice of buttered toast from my plate.

Something swift and angry shoots up my spine and firmly seizes every muscle in my body, save for the one making my eye twitch.

I have a brief vision of tackling her before I recollect myself.

"Morning" I manage. Just "morning". Because so far, there hasn't been anything particularly good about it.

She slips into some black heels, balancing herself on the counter.

"Tanya, those shoes look deadly." I comment, hoping she at least has a pair of flats in her purse for when those pumps start to kill her feet. They look more than six inches tall, and the platform doesn't look nearly supportive enough.

"Thanks, girl!" she says, totally missing my point.

"I think she meant that they're ridiculously fucking tall" Edward says.

I'm so stunned that he's just sort of engaged in a conversation involving me—so unaccustomed to his acknowledgement by now—that I almost miss what Tanya says.

"Who cares, they're fabulous. Besides, I work just a short walk from here."

My god, how do some women do it? I'd be crying for mercy by the time I reached the lobby.

"Why don't you grab some toast, baby" Tanya volunteers like she has a fucking right to them.

Edward's eyes pinball from the toast to Tanya to me. I imagine my expression to be nowhere near friendly, especially since one of my eyebrows is raised. At least he knows that, just like with the coffee, he isn't welcome to any of my toast either.

"I made these for someone, Tanya" I say, not even attempting to keep the irritation from my voice.

She frowns as if my cooking for anyone but the two of them is such a foreign concept. I wouldn't even be surprised if she's forgotten I do it for a living.

"Who? Is someone coming over?"

I smile, "No, actually. He stayed the night."

I shouldn't feel this much satisfaction at being able to rub it in Edward's face, but I do. He should know that his freezing me out doesn't mean I'm going to just sit at home and knit while he screws Tanya's brains out every night.

Ugh… horrible, horrible image. Mental delete, please.

"No way!" Tanya gasps, and I'm mildly offended by her surprise.

"Yes, way" I reply and begin slicing some fruit.

There is a subtle shift in Edward's posture and the way he's moving—impossibly, he's become even more stony and rigid. It's nearly undetectable, but I notice because it's exactly what I was waiting for. I silently revel.

"Well, hello, I'd love to meet the fella!"

I shrug, "If you'll still be here when he wakes up"

In an instant, her cheery demeanor is replaced with pity. She frowns and places her hand over mine. I look at her questioningly.

"Oh, honey, he's still sleeping at this hour? That is not the characteristic of a successful man." She's shaking her head and biting her lip.

I laugh at her, unable to get the next words out of my mouth quickly enough so that I can squash any ideas she may have that Jake is a loser.

"He's a Senior Financial Accountant, Tanya. He's just sleeping in because we had a long night."

I immediately go red after that statement, not having intended for it to come out the way it had. A muscle ticks in Edward's jaw, and his hand clutches his glass of juice so tightly I'm afraid he may break it. He slams it down hard on the countertop before raking a hand through his hair.

Shit, I really hadn't meant to say that.

"Oh, Bella, you bad girl." Tanya giggles.

I shake my head, "No not like…"

At that moment, Jacob decides to bound in wearing nothing but his jeans from last night.

"Oh" he says surprised, "Good morning, everyone. Sorry, I didn't think anyone else would be out here"

"Good Morning" both Tanya and I say.

Edward doesn't speak. He barely spares a glance at all.

Tanya turns around to fully face Jacob and she releases a startled gasp.

"Oh my" I hear her whisper, before she gives me a very pointed side glance.

Yeah, he's hot. I know.

"You must be Tanya and Edward" Jake says.

"You are very right" Tanya says.

Her voice has changed, taking on an odd, unfamiliar note. Call me crazy, but I think she's trying to flirt with who could very well be the love of my life as far as she knows.

"And what might your name be?" she asks. "Bella's never mentioned having a man in her life before. Well, none other than her father of course"

She giggles, and I want to slap both myself and her. I know it must hurt Jake to know that I've never before mentioned him to my roommates. I really wish Tanya hadn't opened her overly glossed mouth.

"I'm Jake." He says and shakes Tanya's extended hand.

He turns to Edward, probably expecting the same friendly reception.

"Edward?" he repeats to gain acknowledgement.

Damn his spectacular memory. I'd only told him Edward's name once, and that's before I even knew who Edward really was. How he still remembers is beyond me since I haven't brought him up once since. Edward, on the other hand, will probably believe the exact opposite.

"That's me" he says, his tone a bit sarcastic. "Bella's hasn't even mentioned you once"

I inwardly wince and glare daggers at Edward.

I immediately feel twice as shitty because Jake has told me more than once that his whole family knows about me, and this is how I repay him. I know it must hurt for him to hear. Fuck Edward for that.

But as usual, Jake laughs it off.

He looks at me. Rather than just identifying himself as my boyfriend, he's allowing me to choose what I want to introduce him as.

The words are out of my mouth before I can think better of them.

"He's my boyfriend."

Jake's grin is instant and huge, and makes every last one of his laugh lines appear. I hardly ever feel like I make him smile anymore. It's totally worth it.

"I'm-I'm her boyfriend, yeah"

We both giggle at his babbling as I come to put my arms around his waist.

He looks down at me, peering into my eyes with so much warmth he could comfort an entire family through a winter storm. Pure, unadulterated joy radiates from his skin. That expression looks _so _good on him.

And I'm smiling wide as well… even though a voice is raging inside my head that I'd just made a complicated situation infinitely worse.

* * *

"So, knock knock" I say, avoiding Rose's eyes as I drive us to work.

The pause that follows rings loudly in the car.

"Umm…who's there?" she giggles softly, playing along.

"Jacob"

"Jacob who?"

"Jacob, my former fling and now official boyfriend"

"What the—what!?" Rose demands and I cringe.

Her pregnancy has made her impossibly more high-strung.

"When, how…Bella why?"

"What do you mean why, Jake's a great guy. He likes me and I like him"

"Ugh, you do _not_"

I gasp, glaring at her as if afraid that someone else might have heard.

"Don't say that Rose, yes I do. What's not to like? He's handsome, smart, and we always have a nice time together."

"Bella, you may like him, but you don't _like_ him, like him"

I scoff, "There is no difference. We're not in middle school"

"There _so_ is, and you know it. What the heck happened?"

I sigh and tell her about this morning.

"So you did it out of pity." She isn't asking. "You do know how wrong that is, don't you?"

I groan, "Rose, please don't give me that, okay. Jake is a _good_ guy, and he makes me smile. We've been speaking for months now; it's not like he's a stranger. And, okay, maybe my feelings for him aren't-"

"Existent?"

I glare, "I was going to say very strong, at the moment. But I'll learn to love him, eventually. I mean, it's bound to happen so what difference does it make if I make us official now or later?"

She sighs and begins rubbing her belly gently.

"And what if you don't, Bella? What if you never fall in love with him?"

"Then check me into a mental institution because _something _must be wrong with me."

She doesn't laugh.

"I will" I sigh, hoping I sound a lot more confident than I feel. "Eventually"

"But-"

"Rose" I cut her off and give her a look.

I love her, and I know that in all honesty, there is a lot of credibility to what she's saying. But I'm in no mood to hear her; that annoying voice in my head has already gone over everything she's telling me.

She throws her hands up in surrender, "Fine, I'll leave it alone"

"Thank you"

After a silence, "At least he's got a big cock"

I burst out laughing.

I work late that night and wake up around noon the next day in Rose's bed. I'd been too exhausted and lazy to drive myself home last night, and Rose had all but dragged me in with her. Emmett was out of town for the night visiting family, and she was in complete objection to the idea of sleeping alone. So I'd held my girl and her baby all night until she quit pouting.

I quietly roll out of bed so as not to wake her up, and take a quick shower, already knowing where all of the spare bath things are. When I come out, Rose is awake and flipping pancakes. I smile at her in gratitude, even though she should really leave the cooking to me as tired as she's been lately. Luckily, we both have the day off because the restaurant is undergoing some minor construction work, and another manager is there overseeing it.

"Aww, thank you" I say, as I take a bite of the pancake she's already set on the table. "You didn't have to do that."

But boy am I glad she did. She makes even better pancakes than I do.

"No biggie" she shrugs, "What are you doing today?"

As I chew, I make a mental list of any chores I should get done with my free time.

"I should probably get some laundry done. And some writing. Oh, and Jake's birthday's coming up in a couple of weeks. I should probably start looking around for gifts. What about you, any plans?"

She pouts, "Not one. I was definitely hoping you'd say the same and never leave."

I giggle, "Oh, Rose, like I could ever say no to you. Tell you what, I'll go home, take care of a couple things, change, pick up some movies and a huge, cheesy pizza, and we'll have ourselves a girl's night."

"Uh, you read my mind."

I leave her after our breakfast/lunch and head out to my car. While I'm driving to the condo, Jake calls me for the third time since we'd parted yesterday. I pick up since I hadn't the last couple times; I'd been busy at work.

"Hi girlfriend" he says charmingly.

That damn voice in my head taunts that it's a bad sign that hearing him call me that doesn't exactly light me up like it should.

"Hi boyfriend"

"I love hearing you call me that" he says, and I can hear the grin in his voice as clearly as I'd see it if he were in front of me.

"Mmm" I say, "What are you up to?"

"I'm on my lunch break, thinking about you."

"Oh yeah?"

"Absolutely…although it should come as no surprise. I'm always thinking about you…" he says softly.

That tone of voice reminds me of the night he'd slept over and what I almost, kind of, think he may have, but couldn't possibly have said after we had sex. Those three little impossible, and extremely premature words…

"That makes me happy" I answer distractedly.

He chuckles, "I'm glad. Now, when do I get to see you again? Or do boyfriends not even have to ask that?"

I laugh, "It's been so long since I've had one, I don't even know. The rules have probably changed since that era anyway"

He laughs, "Impossible to believe that I'm the first person smart enough to try to keep you in so long."

"I couldn't agree more" I joke, "Make sure to question other men about it the next time you all get together for your super secret He-man meeting"

"Oh damn, how did you find out about those?"

I smile, "That feminine looking guy at the last meeting? Yeah, that was all me in disguise. You guys should really tighten up your security"

He bursts out laughing, "I do remember thinking he had a nice ass. Now it all makes sense"

I laugh along with him, "Well, thanks"

"But tell me," he says after a bit, "when do you want to see me?"

"Well, Rose has booked me for the night. And we both work the rest of the week… how does the weekend sound?"

He makes an unhappy sound, "Like a very long time from now. Do I really have to wait?"

I giggle at his boyish tone, "No, you don't. Are you good for tomorrow night? Your place, my dinner?"

"Oh, yes! I have the best girlfriend in the _world._ Thank you, baby"

I smile at his endearment, and with a few parting words, we hang up. That was such a nice, cute conversation. It was.

Jake is adorable.

Jake is so appreciative and caring.

_Come on butterflies, where the fuck _are _you when I need you? _

Apparently, they only have time for virginity stealing jerks who don't care enough to spare more than two civil words at a time.

I force myself to change thoughts immediately.

Jake is turning twenty-eight years old soon and I have no idea what to get the man. I've always been a total fail at gift buying; I usually just let Rose do it for me and sign my name on whatever she chooses. Hopefully, she'll be agreeable to doing that for me again despite her obvious aversion to my relationship with him.

I pull up to the building and park my car in the lot. I walk in and shoot a smile and greeting at Thomas, the doorman. His eyes widen in surprise for a moment at seeing me, before he smiles kindly.

"Hi Ernest" I say to the elderly elevator attendant as I walk into it.

He smiles wide at me as he pushes the button to close the doors.

"How are you, beautiful?"

As usual, I blush when he calls me that. He's been doing it since I told him my name was Bella. When I'd kindly argued that he didn't have to call me that, he simply answered that beautiful and Bella are synonymous, and he prefers beautiful, so that's what he wishes to call me. He is unquestionably flirtatious, but not in a creepy old man sort of way, but in a sweet, charming old man way. He's told me more than once before that if he were my age, he would 'sweep me off my beautiful feet'.

I smile at him, "I'm just fine, thank you. And you?"

"Couldn't be better. You're usually at work now, aren't you?" he asks as we ascend to the condo.

"Yeah, but they're doing some work on the restaurant today, so I get the day off"

"I'm sure your roommate won't be expecting that" he says so lowly, I barely hear it.

The door opens on my floor before I can question what he means by that.

Around this time, both Tanya and Edward are usually long gone at work. So imagine my surprise when I step off the elevator and come face to face with Tanya and a man.

"Oh boy" I hear Ernest mumble as the doors slide closed behind me.

They're in mid-laughter when our eyes meet; standing closely together with her arm wrapped all around one of his like a snake around a branch. He's blond and tall, with two perfect white rows of photo shopped looking teeth. But the thing about him that stands out most to me is that he is not Edward.

"Bella! Hi, hello…What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at work."

She takes a large, abrupt step away from the man as if doing so would erase the image of how closely they'd been standing just a moment before. But all she's doing is confirming that it had been too indecent for me to see. Her eyes shift as if she's looking for an escape. She adjusts the shoulder of her blouse as if to reassure that it's in the right place.

I hope she's also sure that it isn't inside-out.

I'm not an idiot…but I am beyond speechless. Tanya has 'caught red-handed' written all over her face, evident even through all that freshly applied makeup.

She clears her throat, "This...uh, this is a colleague of mine, Peter. We were just having lunch in the apartment. Peter, this is Bella. She just moved in with Edward and me."

He grins in a way that would probably make most girls drop their panties in a split second, but I just want to cringe at how unnatural and _too_ pretty he looks. I don't like this guy one bit. And the fact that he apparently knows about Edward makes me automatically distrust him, too.

He offers his hand for me to shake, and I do so reluctantly, keeping my face blank against his grin.

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella" he says smoothly.

I just nod once, and turn back to Tanya.

Her eyes hold mine because mine won't allow her not to. I'm furious inside, for Edward and at her, and she can tell. She knows that I don't believe for a second that this is innocent. I wait for her to tell me one thing—just _one_ thing—to prove to me that I'm wrong. I'd even accept a lie, if she can deliver it in a way that makes me believe it. In a way that would dispel the fire radiating through me that is just _begging_ to be unleashed on her. In a way that would allow me to truthfully say later on that I saw and know _nothing_.

She doesn't say a word.

She betrayed him in the home that they share together, most likely in the very bed that he sleeps in every night. Several of his things decorate the apartment and their room; how was she able to look at the reminders of the man she shares a life with, and still go through with it?

_How could you?_

I'm almost shaking, feeling the full weight of her dirty little secret as if it were my own. Idiotically, I feel my eyes water. Edward will be…_devastated_.

Her eyes and mine are having silent conversation and hers suddenly begin to plead with me, begging for my allegiance and oath of silence.

I can practically hear her desperation, _Please, Bella… Please, don't tell him! _

Her extreme anxiety is nearly tangible and suddenly, she looks even more on the verge of tears than I am. Unable to stomach the sight of her for another minute, I roll my eyes, refusing to give her the confirmation she wants.

"Excuse me while I throw up" I say and make my way around them and to the condo.

I hear her call my name as I open the door, but I quickly close it before she can say another word.

* * *

"Bella, why are you crying?"

"Because I'm drunk and it's sad" I say into Rose's lap that night.

We're on her couch with the DVD we plopped in a half hour ago still on the menu screen. I don't even remember what we'd put in there. I'd gotten shitfaced as quickly as possible after returning here, all the while telling Rose what I'd witnessed between gulps of wine.

"But why are _you _crying?" she asks, petting my hair.

"Because it's _so_ sad!" I repeat loudly in case she hadn't heard me the first time. "She's cheating on him Rose…actually fucking cheating. And probably every fucking day"

She sighs, "It is sad, but it's not your problem, babe. Don't get so upset and stress yourself"

I wipe my tears, "It's ridiculous. I don't even know why I am so upset, it's just…when I think of how much it'll hurt him…"

I start bawling anew.

"Bella, get a grip. You don't even like him right now. He's been a dick, remember?"

"That doesn't mean he deserves this!"

"Doesn't he though? I mean…they've both cheated on one another"

I shake my head, "She's a trillion times worse. Edward and I aren't even speaking anymore because he feels so badly about that kiss. That fucking _whore _is screwing another person, and there was no guilt on her _dick sucking whore face _until she realized she'd been caught!"

Rose sighs as I take another swig straight from the bottle of wine.

"And now I'm caught in the middle because I know. God, what will I say when he finds out that I knew all along! Rose! What will I say, Rose?!"

"Bella, relax! There is no all along, it hasn't even been a day!"

I shake my head, "It doesn't matter. As of now, I am officially an accom-police"

"A what?"

"A...a...ac...m-police."

"You mean accomplice?" she asks, laughing.

"That's what I said!" I yell. This isn't a laughing matter.

"Okay, slow down" she says, taking the bottle away right before it reaches my lips. "You are wasted."

"A little" I admit. "And completely fucked."

With a sympathetic nod of her head, Rose agrees.

* * *

**See you all next time, and hopefully a lot sooner than later! **

**Be the reason for a certain someone (points at self) to smile and Review ! **


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